What happens on the first date with Bill Cosby? I don't remember Whats the favored pasta dish among ISIL members? Baked Yazidi............ I know where I'm going after this life :( How many kids with ADD

What sea creature is regularly featured in The Walking Dead? CORAL [Dirty] What is the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry escaped the chamber. Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch

A bear and a rabbit are both taking a shit in the woods The bear says, ""Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"" Rabbit: ""No, not at all."" So the bear wipes himself with the rabbit. *sets

Whats that over there? I don't know but i think i just got a raging clue Sure I could kill you with kindness, but let's see what else is lying around first. My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised

Home made honey mustard ! I have a beehive full of bees trained to eat mustard ... and that is what comes out ! I've never gotten along with tall people We just never see eye to eye. Don't do anything

Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she's ready. I live in a bizarre future where a featureless black slab suddenly starts glowing in order to inform me that the world

Whats green and can kill you if it gets between your teeth? A tractor There's only one thing I hate more than outdated references and racism... ....The ""I have a Dream"" speech. If someone won't lift

My Grandfather died in a concetration camp. He fell out of a really tall guard tower. so sad r.i.p Its so cold in Minnesota right now. The democrats have their hands in their own pockets. The best late

If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as ""bro."" Why did the shit-kicker cross the road? To use his rich neighbor's outhouse. Wife: I left the

Why don't Episcopalians play chess? They don't know the difference between a bishop and a queen A little Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow 50 dollars. His dad says, ""50 dollars?! Why the heck

Super productive day, I took down all of my neighbor's outdoor Christmas decorations. You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant. Why did Gandalf have to go to the

""Shit, I have to go."" - Yoda, Jedi Master Humorist, iChat Life hack: McDonald's will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order] Why's Guantanamo

You know you're an alcoholic when... ...your local liquor store is moving and they come to your house for boxes. What did the man with The World's Largest Penis say when he had to have his legs amputated

Why are diapers like $10 bills? Because you have to change them. Jaws (2015): ""(cell phone) Hi Coast Guard, yeah a shark is banging my boat oh you're on your way great thanks"" Never tell a woman to calm

If I ever got stranded on an island, I could totally use the glare that bounces off the whiteness of my legs to signal for help. I overheard my wife singing in the shower. ""You should go on America's

""Could you not joke about tragedies?"" my friend once said to me. Studies show that 9 out of 11 people find these kind of jokes to be offensive. How do you get a Catholic Nun to have sex? Dress her up

So I was fucking this woman... And she said that she wanted 12 inches and she wanted it to hurt, so I stuck it in 3 times and hit her with a baseball bat. If schools were really serious about fundraisers,

What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear? Hearing AIDS My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex But my girlfriend keeps saying it says dyslexia What's long, dark, hard and grotesque

Tired of my wife saying I have no feelings. Do I not cry if you turn off Football? Do I not pout when I can't find good porn? I have layers. ""Shotgun!"" I yell as I push past the others and climb into

Don't you hate it when you're peeing and someone starts talking to you? It's like, keep your mouth open or it all goes to waste. Why don't blind people skydive more often? It scares the shit outta their