I delivered a three-hour training today with a 38.5 degree (101F) temperature and despite being "a bit rambly", it went surprisingly well. It was an internal session, so was able to be open with them and joke about it a bit, which meant they were a little more forgiving perhaps. However, this group of people are decent folk, mostly local and well-experienced, so it was quite a bit of fun, despite the horrible physical feeling I had throughout.
I like to see what I am capable of under different conditions and this was one of those tests. But, it is also why I wasn't able to get to comments on my post last night, as not long after posting, my fever hit a bit over 39 and I was both sweating and shivering at the same time, so decided to rest-up instead. I am still working through the comments and will answer some more after dinner.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
It has been a few weeks now, and it is starting to really wear me down. The main reason it has had such an impact on me is that the medication I take, compromises my immune system and I am not meant to take it if I have a flu. However, I took it while I had no symptoms and then got Covid straight after, which meant that the impact was far worse than it would have been otherwise. Still, it wasn't that bad.
Just annoying AF.
But, life goes on, eh?
I think that this is part of the reason why I test myself under various conditions as this quote sticks in my memory:
A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it.
Alistair Cooke
I am not sure what constitutes a professional, but the reality is, conditions are never going to be perfect, and that includes the condition of the mind and emotional state. If we don't spend time understanding our own conditions, we won't know how we are going to react to the external conditions that we have little control over. This means that we can't control the external, nor the internal - and that is going to leave us without agency to influence and direct our outcomes.
To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.
Socrates
Have you noticed that everyone believes they know themselves well? Yet, very few people seem able to control themselves well? I think a lack of control over oneself is an indication of a lack of understanding of oneself, because if we did truly know, we would be able to control our reactions under various conditions. But more than this, we wouldn't be influenced as much by our surroundings. Advertising would have very little power over us if we knew ourselves as well as the behavioral economists know us - but then, we wouldn't be able to blame McDonald's for making us fat, or magazines for promoting unrealistic body standards.
Because we wouldn't care.
If we knew ourselves well, we would take more responsibility for how we felt about these external influences that we have little control over. And, we would also take more responsibility for our reactions too it, rather than the unbridled and generally misguided outrage that is so pervasive throughout society now. It seems that people feel entitled to respond in the worst possible way, whenever they feel that they have been "hurt" - even when they weren't even part of the conversation - it was just some random thing they came across on the internet.
Triggered.
I think that is a good way to describe the average person these days, as it seems that everything is a triggering event that makes people feel damaged in some way. And rather than taking control of the response, it becomes an excuse to behave badly, like spoiled children enabled by weak parents.
And I notice it in myself too, that in some ways, it is getting harder for me to control my emotional responses, but I think that this is because I am relearning who I am, as since the stroke, I am something different than what I was prior. It will take time to adjust at the very least, but it might be that I will never regain the control I once had.
So, back to testing.
Testing myself under various conditions and, seeing what kinds of responses I have. It is rarely a fun process as for the most part, it highlights the shortcomings, rather than the strengths, because as you know, loss impacts twice as hard as gain. But, understanding losses leads to more gain potential, right?
That's the theory.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
