They say trouble comes in threes. I am living proof that an exponential amount of trouble can roll through. Last week I about actually expired from this life, but thanks to some good care and an infusion of iron, I am still here.
Well, sort of.
I find I am a bit too tired to write about it all right now. I mean, I have been through plenty of tribulation, as have all humans, and by the time you hit medium age, you have either developed tools to walk through it or you haven't. Either way, it's a bit wearing when you are constantly engaging in an almost Job-like amount of things all the time.
The last four weeks have been some of the hardest I have ever been through. Moving, remodeling, starting school, starting an internship, moving again, a myriad and multitude of just things have all been in my viewfinder, a viewfinder that was barely functioning due to an almost complete lack of red blood cells.
I've pushed myself all my life, because to be honest, I don't even really know what feeling good feels like, so I have learned to function in the margins of well-being. And it could always be worse. When you are in chronic pain you either live and engage with it or you don't, the pain will be there either way.
It was when I was sitting in a local tire shop dealing with the punctured tire I discovered on my vehicle when I walked out to drive to my other living situation one fine Monday morning that I realized I had a few precious minutes to myself to just have a think, not that my brain was fully firing anyways.
But it was the presence of the shop dogs, a French bulldog and mini blue heeler that made it all a bit more bearable. The little heeler must have sensed I was just a surface visage of calm, because she snuggled her little head up under my hand that was on my knee and just stared at me.
I'd very much like to lie in bed and stare at the wall for a good two or three weeks, I am so very tired.
But, I know going through all this is just as much training as my current social work internship is at the therapist's office. I find myself often thinking I wouldn't mind any of this as much if it wasn't happening all at once, but it's not like we ever have any control over that.
We just have control over what we think about it, and I will freely admit my thinking is experiencing a bit of a positivity struggle at the moment. I will also freely admit I have broke down a couple times.
Free admission of one's weakness is a healthy bit of humility in practice though. I've stuck it out this time, I'll keep sticking it out as long as I'm asked too.
A little bit more red blood cells would be nice though. Please, Santa, please.
And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's well traveled and not at all severely anemic iPhone.
