As my fellow Hiver and fren (Yes JT, fren!) 
Even amongst all that chaos, I managed to carve out a bit of fun. The hubs and I went to Phillipsburg, Montana with some friends and mined sapphires, bought matching track suits, meandered through the Old Montana State Prison, and ate at a hamburger joint that has over a hundred different hamburgers on their menu (Parker's Restaurant in Drummond, Montana).
Ah. I just checked, it says they have 135 different hamburgers. What a lovely joint that was...
Anyway, back to introspecting.
I've always been introspective with a very active internal landscape. However, my life, for as wild as it appeared, always had a sense of stability in it. I bought my farm right after I turned 22 years old. It was my home. The day after I said goodbye to our son as his left for the navy, I left my home of 20+ years.
I have been a little not right since then.
The farm was the cornerstone to our life. It was the constant where I operated from. For a couple of kids who lived in a state of perpetual upheaval, our place in Idaho represented the consistency and stability of family both the hubs and I craved as kids.
And then we just left.
Since then, we have learned where our concept of home is actually derived.
For the hubs, wherever I am is home. I find that incredibly sweet and touching. He isn't as people oriented as me, although people tend to want to be around his crotchety pineapple self. Crusty marshmallow that he is though, he likes people, he just says he doesn't. The legion of young people who he coaches and wants to hang out with him say otherwise.
Me, I learned that I derive my sense of home from my community. Both family and chosen family. To have that entire system disrupted has been a challenge to endure. I'm still discovering what that actually means, and how to work through and with it. Resiliency is a thing, an oft thrown around word, but a necessary element to a healthy, holistic existence whether it's a buzzword or not.
Last night, I had dinner at a friend's house. It occurred to me I hadn't seen them in two years! Their children, who I absolutely adore, are 2,4, and 6 now, and as they spent two hours rioting with me and one of my other friends, I felt that sense of home I have been missing. It's amazing how one can feel human and content in our place in the world while using your sock as a striking raptor sock puppet.
As I ran through the house and did a flying suplex upon the couch to the six year old I had on my shoulder, I felt myself just emanating happiness. I have been grieving the loss of my home. My community.
As I was being held prisoner in the living room, cracking my friends up with the little's and my antics, I know I was aglow with the smile that emanates from a person who is where they belong.
I belong in chaos, sure, I have accepted that.
I belong on adventures, meeting all manner of people, and now and soon to be helping them navigate their hurts with all manner of curated support.
But I also belong with my community that I grew just like the children and crops on my farm over the last two decades.
The famine is over.
And as most of the time, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's free from the multi-spherical, biological constraints of the concept of home iPhone.