To conquer or to be conquered?

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The other day, after meeting up with an ex-girlfriend for brunch, and after a very pleasant late morning, a few questions came to mind.

I'm a very introverted person. I don't have a personality that leads me to meet or establish contact with people who aren't part of my circle of friends or acquaintances.

Advancing age is also not a factor that will be at all positive, and will make it easier for me to expand my circle of friends. But of course, all this with my convenience and my shyness playing very high stakes.

I was born in 1978, almost at the end of the year. And that might even say a lot about the way I lived my youth. Back then, it was normal not to spend the day at home. During our free time, we would go out and socialize, or alternatively, we might even share a few hours with our friends at someone's house. But time was rarely spent in front of a television or a console. The internet wasn't as important as it is today. One of the advantages of having been born before Google even appeared.

But that whole framework was about to change very soon. What happened was that the group of friends gradually changed. Little by little, it became smaller. Many of them got married, almost all of them had children and even moved away. Of course, some also got divorced... But few remained single like me.

This brings up some points that we have to get used to. At family gatherings we start to be addressed as “different” beings. Do we all have to fulfill our biological “obligation”?

And if so, at what cost? Shouldn't we look for and try to have someone available by our side? What's the point of being with someone just to avoid being alone? Isn't that an amputation of the real reason for a relationship?

Will looking outside of ourselves ever make us happier that way? I don't think so.

The fact that I'm almost 47 makes the whole process of conquest a little more arduous. Women certainly don't look at men with less self-confidence. And this lack of self-confidence ends up leading to fewer and fewer interactions that could have any practical result in establishing lasting or meaningful relationships.

A reduction in these interactions leads to an increase in insecurity on both sides. There is no initial stimulus that can lead to a search for the other.

There are now some technological options that help with interactions. A few years ago I tried the best known of these mobile apps - Tinder. The photos I used really weren't the most interesting, and even my biography wasn't something that could arouse the interest of the opposite sex.

What did a period of a year and a half in which I had the application installed and was using it end up bringing? Well: even more insecurity! Hardly any “matches” and those that did happen, which as I said were few, almost never resulted in a brief and unproductive exchange of messages. Neither the level of conversation was interesting, nor did the person on the other end show the slightest interest in going on a date and not just exchanging messages without any real interest.

This led me to uninstall the app. A few months ago, a relatively younger friend of mine told me about another app where he had made contact with his current partner. It's called Bumble. And from what I understand, the big advantage is that it's the woman who has to make the first move when the match happens.

Maybe that's something I'll try out soon. At least it makes everything a bit simpler. No pressure to start the conversation.

Could it ever be better than really discovering people in the non-virtual world? I don't think so. I'm not going to give up on continuing to take part in events that I find interesting.

This morning I'm going to one that will take place in the historic center of a town very close to my home. It's going to be a photographic tour of the historic center, and who knows, maybe I'll make some new friends or establish some new acquaintances.

Life is much more than living together with someone, of course. But it's certainly a journey that's much more enjoyable if you're in company.

I hope you enjoyed my brief reflection for today.