Over the years one thing I have come to realise is that every human being is carrying a weight the other person cannot see unless the one carrying the weight points you in the direction of the weight. Some people carry their weight perfectly, and you will think they have things figured out, but trust me, you have to get close to see that nobody really has things all figured out; we just act like everything is okay while we try to figure things out.
There are individuals in my life who I thought had it all figured out, but a close conversation with them made me realise we all just move with the weight of responsibility on our shoulders and a certain level of chaos in our heads. How you carry everything is what matters and how people see you. Some people make it obvious they are carrying a weight while some just find a way to carry it perfectly without showing it too much.
Our room was unusably quiet that evening; it was just everyone on their phones, and no one was talking to the other person. The silence was becoming too much, and Royal decided to break the silence.
"It is a cool evening; why don't we go take a walk around school?" Royal asked.
"I agree, bro. Thinking I want to burst my head here that I am sitting." Victor concurred as they both turned to me, waiting for my response and knowing fully well I hate to leave the room unless it is important.
"Don't even say you are not going with us." Royal warned me the moment I opened my mouth to give a response.
"Allow me to talk na." I responded as we all burst into laughter, and the room was starting to come alive again.
"Okay, talk, but better know you are going with us." Victor added giving me the floor to say what I have in mind.
"I really don't want to go out, but let's just go." I responded as they made a face until I added 'but'.
"Good for you oo", they chorused as everyone put on clothes.
We all walked downstairs, bought a pack of candy from the shop owner in front of the house like we always do and made our way towards the school gate. We walked a few meters from the school gate and sighted a concrete bench in front of one of the colleges and decided to just sit there since it was always cool and people never seem to leave it, and the fact that there was nobody sitting there that evening means it was meant for us to sit before we go back to the room.
We were talking about football before everywhere went quiet for a minute or two, and this time around it was Victor that broke the silence with a question that hit us all off balance.
"Do you guys know that we are all pretending?" Victor asked.
We both raised our eyebrows and looked in his direction, confused and lost.
"How are we pretending, and what are we pretending about?" Royal asked.
"We are all pretending that everything is okay when nothing is okay." Victor said it was clearing the air and helping us understand the question.
"What should one be doing when the weight gets too heavy? Cry?" I asked Victor.
"I wish I could cry, and maybe help can come from doing so; every morning when I wake up, I'd cry my eyes out." Royal said
It was him letting out his pain, but how he said it made it sound very funny, and Victor and I could not hold back our laughter. Royal tried not to laugh but, along the line, gave in and joined us as we laughed to tears.
"It is a serious matter; my younger siblings back home think I have my life figured out just because I am a university student and sometimes get something from my pocket money whenever I am going home." I said, bringing back the seriousness that had disappeared from everyone's face.
"Yours is better; now it is just your siblings that are putting pressure on you. Whenever I go home, my parents, my siblings, my uncles, my aunties – everybody is reminding me how I am their hope, and they are not expecting me to fail. Imagine where the entire family is just focused on you; what if I fail them?" Royal said he relaxed on the concrete bench, swinging his legs front and back.
Victor was just quiet and said nothing; we looked at him, and he questioned why we were looking at him by making a gesture with his hands.
"Oga, what about you?" Royal asked.
"Me?" He asked, "I am not only depressed but tired as well, tired of acting all strong and tough, tired of carrying so many expectations, and tired of knowing that I don't even have the chance to fail because if I do, I am taking a lot of people down with me; the weight sometimes feels too heavy for one man to carry." Victor added as he went silent again.
We all sat in silence, enjoying the cool breeze of nature as it swept through every corner it could access.
"Maybe that is what growing up is all about, carting weights no one sees, just you and those you decide to share it with." I said to break the silence, as everyone was starting to look sad.
"I hate growing up; there were days when I could go days without ever sitting down to think about anything, not even my maths homework. "Today every free time I get is spent thinking about this or that." Victor said as he stood up to take a walk around the bench.
"We all just have to stay calm; we will get through this stage." Royal cheered everyone up.
