Sometimes the pressure from family weighs more on you than the one from an outsider. You feel obligated to give to them even when you yourself are struggling to find your footing.
I come from a family where I am the only boy in-between two gorgeous ladies, and unlucky for me, my dad is late. So, occasionally I come face to face with responsibilities that make me think, "Yo, that ain't my cross to carry," but I still end up carrying them.
Growing up, I never really understood what people meant when they said, "You are the man of the house." It sounded like one of those dramatic lines adults liked to throw around. To me, it sounded like the line that gives you access to the best of the best in the house, like being served two meats on your meal, ordering everyone around...
Then life happened. Or should I say I got older and started earning.
Those words stopped being a title and became a job description. It started with small things. Someone needed money for transportation. We needed to buy bread for breakfast. A bill needed to be paid. Somehow, all roads led to me.
The funny thing was that nobody officially appointed me. Yet every challenge seemed to arrive at my doorstep with my name boldly written on it. "You are the man of the house", this statement has probably funded more responsibilities than any government budget ever could.
There was a period when I had barely enough money to survive the month. My account balance looked like it was participating in a fasting and prayer program. Yet my phone would ring.
"How are you and everything? I need money urgently oo, I don't know how you will do it, but biko find money for me."
The word urgently is probably one the most dangerous words in the English language. The moment a family member throws it at you, your carefully planned budget begins to crumble. I'm sure if my budget from that season could speak, it would probably say " if you knew you won't follow us deligently, why the hell did you write us?"
I remember one particular month. After sorting some of my bills and paying some debts. I had just enough left for transportation and small change until payday. Then different family issues showed up almost at the same time.
"Bro Mike, I need tfare to Kaduna. I am going for an audition."
"Bobo, how are you o? Hmmm you wont believe that this my work people have refused to pay us fa. Shey you will help me find 20k till they pay... No food in the house"
As requests piled up, I found myself becoming irritated at things that weren't even anyone's fault. I'd sit alone wondering why life seemed determined to turn me into an emergency response unit.
The worst part wasn't even the money. It was the expectation. The silent belief that because you're available today, you'll always be available tomorrow.
Because you solved the last problem, you'll solve the next one.
Because you are family, you should never get tired.
And honestly, that pressure can be exhausting.
There were days I wanted to scream, " Make una no kill me ehhhhh! I am figuring life out too!".
I also have bills with my name boldly scribbled on them. Personal struggles I wasn't discussing with anyone.
But family has a way of making you place your own problems on pause while attending to theirs. For a long time, I carried that burden with resentment. Every request felt like an additional sack thrown onto my shoulders. Every responsibility felt unfair. Every sacrifice felt unnoticed.
Then one evening, while helping my mum sort through a problem that had stressed both of us for weeks, I noticed something. She was carrying burdens too. She had carried them for many years... funding our education, feeding us, paying for my hospital bill during my three surgeries and many more that go unnoticed.
The woman who called me whenever there was a challenge wasn't doing it because she enjoyed watching me struggle. She was carrying worries I couldn't see. My kid sister had her own battles too mostly from mismanagement. Lol.
Over time, the burden didn't disappear, but my perspective changed. I realized that family pressure is rarely created out of convenience but a need of a support system that would help lift their burdens.
That realization didn't magically increase my bank account balance, not in the slightest. I wish it did though. It didn't remove responsibilities and it certainly didn't stop the phone from ringing.
What it did was teach me the importance of balance. I learned that helping doesn't mean destroying yourself. That saying "I can't afford that right now" isn't wickedness.
Being the only son doesn't automatically make me a superhero and that carrying family responsibilities should never come at the cost of your own well-being. I remember a colleague of mine would say to me "Mikey, you can't help the poor if you're one of them". He is an only son too by the way.
These days, I still help where I can. I still show up when it matters. I still carry some burdens that aren't entirely mine. But I've learned that even the strongest shoulders have limits.
Family is important. In many ways, they are worth every sacrifice we make. Yet sometimes, the greatest lesson is understanding which burdens you will shoulder and which you would run from.
Because the truth is, life gives all of us enough weight already. The challenge is not avoiding burdens altogether. It's learning how to carry them without losing ourselves in the process.
Image 1- Chat Gpt
Image 2 & 3 - Co pilot
