The Weight We Choose

I used to think forgiveness was something we gave to other people. Over time, I realized it is often something we give to ourselves.

When people hear me talk about forgiveness, they sometimes assume I've lived a life free from betrayal, disappointment, or hurt. Nothing could be further from the truth. Like everyone else, I have been wounded by people I trusted. I've had promises broken, kindness repaid with ingratitude and loyalty met with actions that left me shaking my head in disbelief.

There were moments when I felt justified holding on to anger. After all, wasn't my pain proof that I had been wronged? Then I noticed something.

The person who hurt me would continue with life while I carried the burden. Every time I replayed the incident, I reopened a wound that should have been healing. It was as though I had become both the injured person and the one repeatedly poking at the injury. That realization changed me.

Today, I forgive easily not because people always deserve it, but because I deserve peace. One thing that helps me is separating the emotion from the event. I acknowledge what happened, learn from it and then gradually remove the emotional grip it has on me. The memory remains, but the sting weakens. I can remember the lesson without reliving the pain.

Does that mean everyone is worthy of forgiveness?

I believe forgiveness should always be available, but reconciliation is different. Forgiveness releases me from bitterness. Reconciliation requires trust, accountability and change. Someone can be forgiven and still not be allowed back into the same position they once occupied in my life.

I once met a man who swore he would never forgive a former friend who had cheated him in business. Years later, he still spoke about the incident with the same intensity as if it had happened yesterday. The friend had moved on. The money was gone. The relationship was over. Yet the anger remained.

Listening to him, I realized that refusing to forgive often keeps us connected to the very thing we want to escape.

That doesn't mean forgiveness is easy. Some wounds run deep. Some betrayals alter the course of our lives. Some actions leave scars that never fully disappear. But carrying pain forever does not undo what happened. It only extends its influence.

For me, forgiveness is not saying, "What you did was okay." It is saying, "What you did will not control the rest of my life."

When I release resentment, I make room for peace. When I let go of bitterness, I recover energy that can be invested in growth, relationships and purpose.

So, is everyone worthy of forgiveness? Perhaps the better question is this: Are we worthy of freedom from the pain we carry? My answer is Yes.

And that is why I choose forgiveness not because the offense was small, but because my peace is too valuable to surrender to someone else's mistakes.

Here are 5 Simple Ways to Practice Forgiveness

1 Accept what happened instead of denying it.

2 Separate the lesson from the emotion.

3 Focus on your healing, not the offender's punishment. (KARMA)

4 Talk about the pain with a trusted person.

5 Give yourself time. Forgiveness is often a process, not an event.

When "the" forgiveness has been granted, Here's how to prevent a repeat

1 Establish clear boundaries.

2 Observe actions, not just apologies.

3 Reduce access to areas where harm occurred.