As we grow, we do realise lots of things, learn a lot, and with time we try to shape ourself accroding to the needs of life to proceed. There is a famous saying that I encountered in one of my academic chapters, which goes something like, "Change is life, change is progress, and variety is the spice of life." So, having change is very normal, and I do encourage people to change themselves according to the situations to adapt.
If I start to talk about the things I felt like I needed to change and actually changed in myself, it would be a long list. Yet, we gotta narrow that down based on the major ones and pick one, right? So the most devastating one that I changed in myself is the anger, which used to spark other things and destroy everything in its way.
Yeah, I used to suffer from an anger issue. Well, it wasnt like the typical ones we can imagine, like all of a sudden I would burst out of anger, shout at people, and do inhuman stuff. Nope, I wasnt like that. I had been calm and silent by nature since my childhood. No matter how much angry I am, it won't be visible on my face nor by my actions immediately, apart from some rare cases. I do have immense control over my actions and reactions, but I was suffering from anger issues that used to fuel within me no matter what, and find a way to vent that out.
"ᵂᵒʳᵈˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵖⁱᶜˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ, ᵘⁿˡᵉˢˢ ᴵ ˢʰᵒᵘᵗᵒᵘᵗ ʷʰᵉʳᵉ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᶜᵃᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ!"
So how was that?
I used to be like, "Okay, he did this wrong, he must pay for it. Whether I will avoid him, let him get fu__Ed up without me, or spit out the true facts in front of all when I get the chance, or in a proper moment, I will do something crazy that would sound meangiful or justified at that moment." Ahh, I'm finding it difficult to describe the thing. In short, I was completely difficult, but I was never like I would harm someone due to my enmity, so I would simply avoid and cut off communications and help, which used to be fruitful in most cases, to teach them a lesson. But, I would have made sure I did, no matter, I can't get rid of that feeling that 'he did this to me, I must pay it back.' and now?
Now? I don't care, I just don't care. Over time, I have realised that the biggest revenge is not to take revenge. Suppose someone punched you; now he will expect you to do something in return, expecting you to punch back. But you have no intention of punching back and walking as usual, no revenge. But that friend of yours will be done in fear thinking of the moment you punch him back, he will be restless and beg to punch back and end this dilemma. Yeah, I have started to enjoy this a lot.
To be honest, life has been cruel to me for the last two to three years more than I could imagine. So the biggest enmity and anger issue is with this phase. Unless or until I don't take my revenge by breaking out of this cruelty of life, I have no issues with others, no anger or anything. I'm far busier with myself and my priorities. I discovered my priority and overlook these tiny things, so these don't create any disturbances in my way.
So yeah, life goes on, so do our priorities and thoughts. I just discovered what's meaningful and what's not; tiny disturbances should be overlooked so they don't hamper our bigger voyages.
