Content advisory
This episode discusses chronic pain, addiction, and the emotional impact of long‑term illness.
This episode shares personal reflections and is not a substitute for professional advice.
Chronic pain affects tens of millions of adults and is one of the most misunderstood and isolating health experiences.
In this episode of The Support & Kindness Podcast, host Greg Shaw and co‑hosts Rich, Jay, Derek, and Sam share honest stories about living with ongoing pain, how it reshapes identity and relationships, and what actually helps when the pain does not go away.
Rather than promising a cure, their focus is on validation, community, and practical ways to live with more kindness toward yourself, even when the pain remains.
Greg starts with a simple definition: chronic pain is pain that continues beyond the normal healing window, usually three to six months or more.
Acute pain is your body’s early warning system when something is wrong, but chronic pain can persist even after tissue healing is expected. ncbi.nlm.nih
When pain sticks around, the nervous system can become overly sensitive, so ordinary sensations or minor activities can feel disproportionately painful.
Modern scans and blood tests often look “normal” even when someone is in intense pain, because pain involves both the body and the brain, and current tests cannot see everything happening in the nervous system. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih
Greg emphasizes that if you live with chronic pain, your pain is still real and your experience is valid, even if tests do not show a clear cause. psychologytoday
Greg walks through how chronic pain can touch nearly every physical system.
Immune system: Pain and stress can weaken immunity, making it easier to get sick and harder to recover.
Heart and circulation: Stress and pain can affect blood pressure, heart rate, and overall cardiovascular strain. ncbi.nlm.nih
Digestion: Nausea, appetite changes, and stomach issues are common, often tied to activity changes, stress, and medication side effects.
Breathing: Pain and anxiety can lead to shallow, tight breathing, especially during flare‑ups.
Everyday tasks: Walking, standing, cleaning, cooking, or showering can feel like major challenges; on the worst days, even brushing teeth or bathing can feel impossible.
Hobbies, sports, music, and other movement based activities often need to be reduced, adapted, paused, or stopped, which can feel like losing important pieces of yourself.
Chronic pain does not just live in the body: it changes how the mind functions.
Brain fog and memory problems, such as losing words mid sentence or forgetting simple things.
Difficulty concentrating, even on tasks that used to feel easy.
Decision fatigue, where ordinary choices, whether to go out, cook, or rest, can feel overwhelming.
Shifts in motivation, where you may still want things but feel too drained or discouraged to start, which can feed guilt, shame, and harsh self criticism. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih
The hosts note that this happens in a culture that often celebrates “pushing through” pain instead of respecting limits, which can increase feelings of failure or not being “enough.” psychologytoday
The emotional and social impact of chronic pain is often as heavy as the physical part.
Anxiety and stress about flare‑ups, the future, work, and money. CDC
Self‑image struggles, including feeling “broken,” “lazy,” or “not enough,” especially when others do not understand or do not believe your pain. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih
Substance use as a coping strategy, which is understandable but can lead to further problems over time. ncbi.nlm.nih
Isolation: canceling plans, missing family events, leaving gatherings early to lie down, or withdrawing because you do not want to disappoint people again.
Family role shifts when a partner, parent, or caregiver lives with pain, which can strain relationships in all directions.
Intimacy challenges, where physical closeness or sex becomes painful, complicated, or hard to talk about even in loving relationships.
Work and financial strain, including missed days, reduced hours, job loss, and ongoing medical costs. CDC
The hosts return again and again to one key message: if you feel overwhelmed by all of this, it is reasonable. You are not overreacting.
Greg invites each co‑host to share how their pain began, one emotional or social challenge, and one practical strategy that helps them get through the day.
Rich’s pain began with multiple car accidents in his late teens, layered on top of earlier sports concussions, resulting in traumatic brain injuries, headaches, and migraines that have lasted decades.
Migraines can be triggered by light, sound, and overstimulation, which meant he often avoided concerts, sporting events, and noisy environments. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih
He describes missing holidays and memories so he could sit in a dark room with a washcloth on his head, and how repeated comments about pain eventually make loved ones tune out.
“I missed a lot of memories and a lot of quality time with people, so I could sit back with a washcloth on my forehead… socially it takes a toll.” - Rich
Rich says what helps is holding onto hope: new treatments and research for migraine and head injury are always emerging, and that sense of possibility keeps him going. magazines.uthscsa.edu
Jay lives with cyclical vomiting syndrome and cannabinoid hyperemesis, where cannabis use can trigger severe vomiting episodes and repeated hospital visits.
At 18, he went from having an “iron stomach” to relentless vomiting that was first misread as the flu, then led to repeated ER visits and eventually removal of a healthy gallbladder before the real diagnosis was understood.
Because cannabinoid hyperemesis is linked to cannabis use, Jay faced stigma, judgment, and even being told not to come back to the ER.
It affected his relationships and contributed to the end of his engagement.
“They even brought a security guard to escort me out… You wear out your welcome with medical professionals.” - Jay
What helped Jay was stopping cannabis use, which reduced preventable episodes, along with warm baths, breathing, meditation, and especially peer support groups, including this podcast community and online support spaces.
“Since I’ve had the groups with you fellas and the podcasts, I’ve really found the emotional pain has gotten a lot better. I feel included, loved… Support groups are there. They help a lot.” - Jay
Derek’s pain started after a serious fall down a flight of stairs while drunk, which caused a traumatic brain injury.
Months passed in a coma and heavy sedation, afterwards he was left with nerve damage near his hip, changes in gait and balance, and persistent dull lower‑back pain.
He describes strong emotional swings after the injury, everything felt either extremely good or extremely bad, until he gradually learned to “simmer down,” step back, and notice his emotions instead of being swept away.
What helps Derek is an “amalgam of stretches”: vinyasa yoga, old running routines, walking, breathing, and listening carefully when his body says “rest.” He also offers a powerful reframe:
“Sometimes, even in the worst moods and the worst pain I’ve ever felt…
I get solace from the ability to experience pain, considering how close I came to dying…
At least you’re able to feel this. At least you’re not dead from the brain injury.” - Derek
Sam broke his back in his twenties when a roof caved in at work, and later developed avascular necrosis, a condition where bones do not get enough blood and begin to collapse, often affecting hips and other long‑bone joints.
He underwent multiple joint replacements and experienced years of intense pain and heavy opioid use, which eventually led to heroin addiction.
He spent time on the streets before entering recovery and has now been sober for 12 years, supported by Suboxone for addiction recovery and some pain relief.
Sam describes feeling like his body is in “mutiny” - unpredictable and unreliable, and how people eventually grew tired of hearing about how much he hurt.
What helps Sam now is breathing and meditation, learning how brain, pain, and addiction intersect, and accepting that no amount of medication can erase everything.
The focus is on management and coping, not complete elimination.
“You don’t really ‘get over it.’ You learn to live with it and learn different coping strategies.” - Sam
Greg used to be the person at work who lifted anything heavy, fueled by a “no pain, no gain” mentality and years of poor lifting technique.
Over time, that led to back injuries that did not fully heal, which then contributed to canceled plans, isolation, depression, and weight gain connected to reduced activity and medication changes.
He describes getting stuck in a cycle:
Pain → inactivity → low mood → isolation → more pain.
What helped was discovering purpose and connection through a daily “Creative Work Hour,” a virtual coworking group he calls a “second family,” and through service work in recovery communities like Alcoholics Anonymous.
Helping others gets him out of his own head and reminds him that he still has value.
“These groups have helped tremendously… To anyone listening who lives with chronic pain, you’re not alone and your experience matters. It’s okay to take one step at a time.” - Greg
From this conversation, several themes stand out:
Your pain is real, even if tests are “normal.” The lack of clear imaging findings does not mean you are imagining it. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih
Chronic pain is multidimensional. It affects body, mind, emotions, relationships, finances, and identity, so it makes sense that you feel overwhelmed. CDC
There is rarely a single cure. Most people rely on a mix of medical care, pacing, gentle movement, mental health tools, sleep support, and community. ncbi.nlm.nih
Feeling invalidated is common. Many people with chronic pain feel dismissed by loved ones and professionals, which deepens loneliness. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih
Peer support matters. Being heard, believed, and supported by others who “get it” can reduce emotional pain, even when physical pain remains. psychologytoday
These ideas are offered as options, not obligations. It is okay to skip or adapt anything that does not fit your situation.
Each day, if you can, jot down:
Date
Pain level (0–10)
Main activities
How you slept
One small change or observation
Over time, this can help you spot patterns, triggers, and helpful routines, and gives you concrete information to bring to appointments.
When pain spikes, your nervous system is on high alert. A brief grounding practice can offer a small island of calm:
Slow, gentle breathing for a few minutes
A simple body scan, noticing sensations without judging them
Naming things you can see, hear, and feel around you
The goal is not to erase pain, but to give your system a moment of regulation.
Instead of pushing hard on “good” days and crashing, Greg suggests choosing one small, realistic movement goal:
Three 10‑minute gentle walks in a week
A daily 2‑minute stretch routine
Standing and stretching once between tasks or during an ad break
Tiny, consistent steps often work better than big, unsustainable pushes.
If you have someone you trust, consider agreeing on:
A signal (an emoji, code word, or short phrase) that means “I’m struggling” or “I need to cancel”
A short script you can send when you have to change plans
This can reduce the pressure to explain everything every time and help you feel less alone when you are at your limit.
Living with chronic pain is never simple, but this episode shows that you do not have to face it alone.
The hosts’ stories are honest about grief and struggle, yet also full of small, hard‑won sources of hope, tiny movement goals, grounding practices, creative routines, and communities that truly understand.
If any part of this conversation resonates with you, you are warmly invited to share your experience in the comments. Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to read today.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1bDD5pPE31Fss2OxLpFpx0?si=FEUJM7ytTU6oiif-ZP0hdg
KindnessRX hosts free online support groups each week, offering a safe, confidential space to connect with people who truly understand brain injury, chronic pain, and mental health challenges.
Brain Injury Support Group: Understanding Life After Brain Injury
Living with a brain injury can affect memory, mood, physical ability, and relationships. This group offers a compassionate space to share experiences and practical tips for life after brain injury.
Chronic Pain Support Group: The Silent Struggle of Living with Chronic Pain
Chronic pain is often invisible yet relentless. This group focuses on reducing isolation, sharing coping strategies, and building resilience together.
Mental Health Support Group: Understanding the Need for Mental Health Support
A welcoming space to talk about depression, anxiety, and emotional wellness, work on breaking stigma, and explore practical steps for healing and connection.
https://luma.com/calendar/cal-oyT0VPlVTKCPxBwluma+1
U.S. Pain Foundation: Education, advocacy, and peer support programs (including Pain Connection). \ps://uspainfoundation.org](https://uspainfoundation.org/)
Chronic Pain Anonymous (CPA): 12‑step fellowship for people living with chronic pain and illness.
https://chronicpainanonymous.org
American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA): Peer support and self‑management tools.
https://www.acpanow.com
National Pain Advocacy Center (NPAC): Policy and civil‑rights advocacy for people living with pain.
https://nationalpain.org
Chronic Pain Research Alliance (CPRA): Research‑focused coalition on complex chronic pain conditions.
[https://chronicpainresearch.org](https://chronicpainresearch.org/
International Association for the Study of Pain (IASP): Global pain research and education.
https://www.iasp-pain.org
Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (AHRQ): Evidence‑based guides and health information.
https://www.ahrq.gov
American Society for Pain Management Nursing (ASPMN): Nursing education on pain management.
https://www.aspmn.org
Canadian Pain Society: Professional society with educational resources for patients and clinicians.
https://www.canadianpainsociety.capp
Pain BC: Resources, programs, and a Pain Support Line for people in British Columbia (many tools useful elsewhere).
https://painbc.capp
Arthritis Foundation: Support, education, and advocacy for arthritis.
https://www.arthritis.org
American Migraine Foundation: Education and support for migraines.
https://americanmigrainefoundation.org
National Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Association (NFMCPA).
https://www.fmaware.org
Foundation for Peripheral Neuropathy.
https://www.foundationforpn.org
Always check with your healthcare provider before relying heavily on any app or making changes to your care.
Bearable: Symptom, mood, and habit tracking.
https://bearable.appp
mySymptoms: Food diary and symptom tracker.
https://www.mysymptoms.net
Health Storylines: Track symptoms, medications, and health data.
https://www.healthstorylines.com
PainScale (Pain.com): Pain diary and education platform. https://www.pain.com/en/personal-support-resources/tools-you-can-use/pain-management-apps/painscale-app
Curable: Pain‑education and coping app using mind–body approaches.
https://www.curablehealth.com
Pathways Pain Relief: Education, physiotherapy, mindfulness, and CBT‑based tools.
https://www.pathways.healthppl
VA Pain Coach: Free app from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.
https://mobile.va.gov
Many mindfulness and sleep apps, such as Headspace, Calm, Insight Timer, and Oak, include content specifically for pain, stress, and rest.
#podcast #chronicpain #kindness #mentalhealth #selfcare #supportgroups #braininjury #hivecommunity #cwh
Edited with help of ChatGPT. Images created using NanoBanana. I hold a commercial license for each.