Have you ever chatted with someone and got a negative impression even though they seemed to be in positive vibes all things considered? out of the blue somehow feeling negative even though the conversation and the person feels to be friendly?
Well, I have noticed too when chatting often there is a component of wall-setting or barrier,
I have noticed by chatting with many people throughout the years that people expect to hear back what they are giving out, they expect to have what they believe accepted.
That raises many philosophical questions worth exploring in other posts, however what we need to know is that people typically are conversing with hopes of being accepted in the back of their minds, often without being conscious of such.
Thats because (in my opinion) the neurons really want to grow and reproduce, to be stronger and more efficient, in that endeavor we have communication whereas what we have as an idea is repeated in conversations back and forth until it becomes a pandemic of an idea (yes it works in a similar way).
Typically That does not mean we should mirror, that means we should listen and reply according to what someone said so they feel listened to, mirroring is a different technique and a bit unrelated to this context, the barrier should be very low to engage in mirroring and it is risky.
(Yeah... I have done my fair share of influence courses, of course they are not my main focus, as I studied it to learn more about myself and how I can influence myself to be better in general for whatever I needed to do).
That is an interesting concept and how it is similar in such ways, indeed we can learn from how a virus spreads and how an idea spreads, perhaps even make simulations of such but I am going a bit off track here.
The real reason why I usually feel bad when conversing with certain people is due to them rejecting my offer of validation of an idea, or even my willingness to explore it.
It is typically done without knowing in some cases of course it can be intentional.
In cases where it is not intentional then something else is at play, specifically the way we converse, the words we use and in which order (which play a huge role by the way!),
Cognitively it depends and differs from person to person but lets explore a few examples.
Depending on the context, if I start writing a lot of ideas or even 3 ideas,
if the person I converse with starts a sentence with "No" for a specific detail just because they got "triggered" to say "No" about a specific thing (without specifying which thing relevant to my message they disagree with) then I would of course assume the most obvious...
that they reject and disagree with the totality of what I wrote (and that makes sense due to the generalization principles).
In essence... if that keeps happening it results in a feeling of being disagreed with our entire presence in the conversation or even relationship with the other person and that can feel extremely separating, unless it is being brought up to awareness.
Yeah it may be funny at first but it is a real deal, sometimes even replying with a defensive statement and then saying "but..." can be a way of negating what they said.
Something to add before closure, something crucial and something we will soon explore in a follow up post. When we are feeling negative then more negative thoughts come, also we tend to filter good things we are told and mostly allow bad meanings to come in (which leads to misunderstandings and so on), for some of us it may be obvious and its still good to be reminded that regardless...
see here I used "and" instead of "but", how does the sentence feel? perhaps more smooth instead of saying "for some of us it may be obvious but its still good to be reminded that regardless"... you may feel a small punch in the chest, so yeah... that is normal considering the meaning and ordering of the words.
Yes, words are important, they can be used to make people feel good or bad depending on the situation and how they are set forth.
Key takeaway here is to be aware of our and others words, how we feel and how we respond, in which order we place our words and how it feels more suitable if it were we who would be receiving that message.
That's it for now! Thanks for reading and have a wonderful rest of the day! 🙏
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✍️Author(s): DeepSpiral (aka: TwinDenis, TheDenis, Dennis K.)
⚠️Disclaimers: I am not a medical, financial or legal professional advisor, if you need help seek advice from an appropriate professional depending on the case. Materials in this Post can be Opinions and not to be taken as facts unless a relevant source is cited, always do your own research for the topics discussed.
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