When I said "Empire," I knew the first thing that came to mind was a palace. You pictured a stronghold surrounded by massive concrete walls. This is not a literal description of the location but a metaphor for the barriers I have set up within myself. I am the sole monarch of my own internal realm.
Everything in my empire was built by my hard work. Nothing existed at the beginning. I was just a normal young lady who had faith in happily ever afters and prince charmings when I was a youngster. However, as time passed, I came to an understanding. Before life made sure I experienced every bitter truth, I was blind to reality.
In the past, I thought that romantic love was the most important thing in the world. When it came to people, I trusted them and loved them. But in the end, I was betrayed by them. No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't enough. Though I exerted every effort, I once again came out on the losing end. I gave up a lot to get here, but now all I have is myself.
As the years went by, I absorbed every setback, rejection, and agony I had ever experienced. Every night they would come and bother me. Insomnia set in, and I found myself worrying about what could possibly be wrong. Although I am a forgiving person, that did not break the cycle. I didn't realize how much I lacked in details until one day. Everything they said was a complete lie.
Afterwards, I gathered the shattered pieces of myself. The sadness they inflicted upon me, the anxieties I felt because of them, and everything. It was then that I began to collect them and use them as the cornerstone of my future empire. Everything that made me doubt myself laid a foundational stone. Because of these factors, I was able to make a well-informed decision to build walls around myself with greater ease and for greater protection.
Too much pain can transform a person into either a strong and wise person or a coward and a failure. In the end, I decided to take a different approach. I've learned the hard way that weakness and being a loser won't work for me, so I've settled to be stronger and smarter instead.
My first piece of advice is to never rely on other people for anything. You must acquire the ability to support yourself. Next thing I know, I've decided that I can't bear to go through that again. I'd like to avoid being seriously let down again. And I have no interest in having anyone shatter me once more.
It was enough that my walls be built upon a solid foundation. I set out to construct it on my own. I used to care more about other people than I did about myself, but I've learned that I need to put my own needs first . I used to give in easily, but then I learned to weigh my options, actions, and decisions more carefully.
I have been attempting to set boundaries for those individuals who are interested in being a part of my life. I have decided that I will never, ever allow another person to have authority over my life again. When I allowed my feelings to take over, I went through some of the most difficult times in my life. And I will never allow something like that to happen again.
The walls I've built around myself have made me feel absolutely secured. I feel safer now that I've avoided the factors that used to put me in trouble. It was well worth it to make the personal adjustments I did as part of building myself. I am able to visualize the outcome. I can literally feel the increased bravery and courage in my own body.
To this day, every time I look in the mirror, I am pleased with the person I see staring back at me. Because of them, my empire stands on solid ground, so I don't regret the pain I've experienced. It was all worth it in the end to go through all that unbearable pain in the past because whenever I look at myself now, I can't help but feel a surge of pride.
I cannot express how thankful I am to those who have taken the time to read what I have written today. Your support means everything to me. Please acknowledge the sincere thanks I feel for each and every one of you. I hope to see you on my next blog and look forward to it!
Hive Blog #41
Date Published: January 22, 2023
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