Sometimes, I’m thankful that I am African and other times I just wonder why? Why the heck! The rules, the ethics; some of them are very absurd. African elders including the parents prefer you to experience things yourself rather than tell you straight up. You could ask a question like
“Uncle, should I walk into the lion’s den?” and they’d tell you something like
“ehh. Go inside and see for yourself”.
In such a situation, a simple “no” would have worked perfectly. With this, I am certain that it’s an African that made the quote Experience is the best teacher There's nothing you’d tell me that would make me change my mind.
One other striking thing is the fact that we answer questions with questions. This is actually a very good practice if you ask me. It helps you to avoid implicating yourself as you're also asking a question. An example could be when a person asks "Are you eating?" An Nigerian that answers a straight "yes" to this question is definitely a mixed breed. There are a variety of answers to the question like "do I sound like I'm eating?" Or "do you want to eat too?". This question for question thingy also helps to tame anger sometimes because more often than not, the answer to the question is always very obvious but people still want to ask silly questions and to avoid an outburst, Nigerians ask questions in turn, easy peasy.
I remember a time when I thought I’d never grow taller due to the impact of the knock I got from an elder. You know that thing when foreign kids call their aunts by their real name?
“Mom! Christina is here!”
I decided to test the waters and I tried it one day.
I heard a knock on the door and I merrily ran to check who was at the door. It was one of my many aunts. I don’t know if it was the wrong timing because this particular aunt was one to overlook my errors; maybe she was in a bad mood this particular day. I took two steps backwards and screamed at the top of my voice
“Mom, Joy is here”; yes, her name is Aunty Joy.
It wasn’t long before I got a resetting knock and a two hour speech on morals followed. In summary, you’re not supposed to call your elders by their first name without adding the aunty or uncle title even when they are not your relatives, else, you’re signing up for war.
On the other hand, when you are called by your full name, just know you’re in hot soup. Many people would agree with me that they feel more endangered when their parents call their full names. On a normal day, your parents could be like "Chee darling, turn off the security lights" . But on days you hear Cheeamaka Ihechukuwu Ozuzu, it's best if you give up and await your faith.
Many of my parent’s friends see me as a reprobate(headstrong) because I have broken one of their golden rules countless times. The rule says “You must cheerfully run to your elders to welcome them when they visit”. This rule is no respecter of emotions. Whether you are in tears or you’re emotionally downcast, you still have to put up a smile in a bid to welcome a guest. Why not walk into your room instead? This is one reason why Nigerians know how to hide their emotions very well. You can ask a Nigerian on a war front “How are you?” and their response would still be “I’m fine” just crazy.
Irrespective of our many flaws, one thing Nigerians are good at doing is making you feel so good or so bad about yourself with just their eyes. This isn't a flaw right?
Honestly, most of the communication is done with the eyes. I still wonder why there is no language like “eye language” because as it stands, I can read more than 500 meanings to just an eye contact with another person. For instance, your friend looks at you and then looks at someone's shoes, they are trying to draw your attention to something peculiar or not so peculiar about the shoes. Sometimes, it also depends on the friend in question too. I have friends who could make you laugh so hard in serious scenes and it's always best to avoid eye contact with such people especially at funerals.
In the end, these are some of the things that make us who we are. I can't still imagine addressing my elder by their first name but I can happily scurry to my room when I don't want to converse with a guest.
This is my entry into the COMtest. It's not too late to join in the fun