When I was growing up, I used to think uncles and aunts were just those people you saw during weddings, burials, or other family gatherings.
That kind of relationship where someone suddenly appears at your house after several months and you are trying to remember, “Wait… is this my uncle from my mother’s side or my father’s side?”.
As a child, I didn't really understand the importance of extended family.. I just knew that some uncles were fun, some were very strict, some aunts would give you food, and some would ask questions you were desperately trying to avoid but as I have grown older, I have started looking at family differently..
There is something special about having people outside your parents who still genuinely care about you.. An uncle or aunt can sometimes become more than just a relative.. They can become a mentor, a second parent, a friend, or even that person you call when you don't want to tell your parents something yet and honestly, I think that is something we are slowly losing...
These days, it is possible for cousins, uncles, aunts and even siblings to live in the same city and barely know what is happening in each other's lives. Everyone is busy, Everyone has their own problems and everyone is trying to survive.. Then years pass.
A child grows up without really knowing their uncle, Another grows up without ever visiting their aunt.. Eventually, the children become adults, start their own families and the distance continues into the next generation..Nobody intentionally planned it..
It just happened and that is probably the saddest part...
I don't think every extended family relationship has to be perfect... Families can be complicated... There can be disagreements, misunderstandings, different personalities and old issues that nobody wants to talk about...
Sometimes, keeping your distance from certain relatives may even be necessary but there is a big difference between protecting yourself from unhealthy relationships and completely abandoning the idea of extended family..
I would want my children to know their uncles and aunts..
I would want them to have people they can visit, people who know their names, people who remember their childhood stories, people who can laugh with them and correct them when necessary because parents cannot be everything to a child..
There are certain things a child may learn from an uncle that he may never learn from his father.... There are conversations a child may have with an aunt that might be difficult to have with their mother.
Sometimes children need different perspectives.
Sometimes they simply need another adult who believes in them and I think there is something beautiful about growing up knowing that there are several people who would stand up for you but this relationship has to work both ways.
We cannot expect uncles and aunts to magically become close to our children when we never make an effort to maintain the relationship..
If I want my children to have a relationship with their extended family, then I also have a responsibility to encourage it.
Call people... Visit when possible... Remember birthdays.. Attend important family occasions..
Let the children speak to their relatives.
Share pictures and little updates.
It doesn't always have to be something big...
Sometimes a simple phone call can keep a relationship alive and I think this is where our generation needs to do better...
We have phones that can connect us to someone thousands of kilometres away, yet sometimes we cannot call the person who lives thirty minutes from us... Even when people cannot meet regularly, they can still make an effort and Personally, I don't want the next generation to inherit unnecessary family distance simply because we were too busy to maintain relationships... I want my children to know where they come from, I want them to know the people who came before them, I want them to hear family stories that are not written in any textbook, I want them to know that family is not only the people living under the same roof..
These relationships may not always be perfect, but they can become some of the most meaningful relationships in a person's life... At the same time, I believe we should stop forcing people to maintain relationships simply because they share blood...
Being family is important, but being a good person matters too and If a relationship is toxic, abusive, manipulative or consistently harmful, having the same surname or bloodline should not become an excuse to tolerate it..
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