Society doesn't expect women to be strong, it expects women to be strong all the time..... And those two things are not the same.
Women do need support, you see I watched my mom take care of all of us when my dad died, she cooked, she paid, she sorted everything out, she answered every "Mummy, what do we do now?" And although she looked strong on the outside, I just knew she was only being there for us.
Because here's the thing. When someone you love dies, you don't just wake up one morning with extra strength. She was grieving too. She lost her husband, her partner, the person she shared her life with. But nobody sat her down and said, "Mummy, it's your turn to rest." Everybody just looked at her and said, "Ah, see how strong she is. God will strengthen you."
Strong. Strong. Strong.
I have heard that word so many times around women that it has started to sound like a job description.
Now, let me be fair. Some people will say being strong is a good thing, and it is. Nobody is telling women to be weak. My mom's strength kept our house standing, and I will never stop being proud of that. But there is a difference between being strong and being left alone to be strong. One is a compliment. The other is a burden dressed up as a compliment.
In our culture especially, it's even heavier. From small, a girl is told, "Endure." Endure in your husband's house.... endure in your work...... endure when you are tired..... endure when your heart is breaking...... "Woman, you are the backbone of the family." Okay, but when the backbone is hurting, who is checking on it?
And the funny part is that when a woman finally cracks, people don't know what to do. They say, "But she has always been so strong, what happened?" Nothing happened, she was just tired for a very long time and nobody noticed because she was smiling.
I think that's what hurts me the most about my mom's story, she never complained. Not in front of us. Maybe at night, when everywhere was quiet, but not in front of us. She protected us from her pain the same way she protected us from everything else. And as a child, you don't even realize it at that moment. You just think, "Mummy is okay." It's only when you grow up a little that you look back and think, "Wait, she was not okay. She was never okay. She was just carrying us."
So do I think society expects women to be strong even when they need support? Yes ..., One hundred percent, society loves a strong woman, but it loves her more when she's quiet about her struggles, It wants the strength without the cost.
But women are not machines, they're not just mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters, they're human beings who get tired, who get scared, who need someone to say, "Rest, I've got you...."
What I want for the women in my life, my mom first of all, is simple, I want them to have the freedom to say "I'm not fine" and not be judged for it. I want people to offer help without being begged, and I want us, the ones they carried, to learn to carry them back.
Strength is beautiful, but no one, and I mean no one, should have to hold the whole house up alone.
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