Tuesday, July 03, 2007. Time: 00:27.
I believe in reincarnation. I think that after death, the human soul goes on to live in some form of life, whether it's an animal, perhaps again human, or maybe extraterrestrial entity, and persist to exist indefinitely.
I instinctively know to be true that the soul cannot simply disappear without a trace. But who controls all the movement from one body to another, in the scope of time and space? If reincarnation is real, who decides what we are destined to be born again?
I would like to be a butterfly. Some live only one day, but during all that time, all they see is beauty. The infinite beauty of nature... These magnificent creatures also have wings, so they can freely wander wherever they desire and admire the world without being bothered by the troubles of humans slaving away their lives.
Maybe that's what heaven is? Just an endless reincarnation to a butterfly.
I would hardly wish to be reborn as a human being again. Perhaps, on the first thought, it would seem that being human is the greatest gift to be cherished. But life is too complex, too cruel and cold for me to call it such. I've been surrounded by evil all my life, while happiness only creeps in sometimes. Which, unfortunately, always ends, and then again only pain, despair, and sadness remain.
Funny, even the good old love can last for 60 years and one day end in a second. One reaches the end of his life's journey, and the other remains alone - lonely, hurt, but unable to give up life and must continue to be.
I think people like me feel too much and are too smart to perceive that as a gift. Thus, I feel doomed. Doomed to grow up, to live among people like me, to see relatives and friends dying over time, to feel pain, to be sad. And, only occasionally, remember to feel what joy or love is, just to recollect and get back on my feet so that I can honestly bear the cruel sentence of life imposed on me.
It's a bad day. I have a headache, maybe a disease... It's hard to write like this.
I'll stop now.
