It has been a few weeks now. Since then, I've come to terms with all the mistakes I had made in my life and promised to live in the moment with optimism, to create beautiful things, dream about a bright future, and never dive deep into my feelings - the untamable jungle - ever again.
Some couldn't believe that I could just disregard my whole past and forget what sadness is. But hey, I'm doing great. I'm surrounded by a bunch of friends and exploring new relationships at the same time, I'm always having fun and carry a long-lasting, sincere smile on my face.
Best of all, I once again can enjoy a peaceful, sweet sleep at night. And yet...
The truth is, I had given up everything - wistful music, old photos, even the night sky that makes me emotional - to suppress my feelings. But I had lost control of myself and went out into the yard to watch the stars with some good old songs again.
Tonight, the stars were the brightest I'd ever seen. They kept sparkling to the point it was hard to find a spot without something shining in it. I lunge my head even further, and the whole galaxy appeared as laid out on an infinitely flat surface.
I kept my head up for a long time. For so long, it started to look like it's raining stars. As if they were falling like tiny drops, but so slow, only I could see it.
I also saw those little bright dots flashing. They always caught my attention, but I could never wrap my head around what they might be. I still don't know, but it doesn't matter anymore, even though there are now three of them at once. Beautiful.
Yet, the sky itself no longer reminds me of pain, no more is it causing storms in me. It does not remind me of people who hurt me, does not walk me through my mistakes. Now, stars are nothing more than just small, sparking dots that I like.
And so, I’m still happy. I don't love anyone, I'm not worried about anything, I'm just happy with what I have - friends, family, forest, nice weather, a convenience store near my house, a bed to sleep in, everything! In other words, a good life.
I do not wish and do not intend to purposely attempt to lose it all. I will continue to live on and rejoice in this day because, finally, no longer I see the point of being sad or feeling bad.
There's no point in that...
...or is it?
