It was a good Sunday overall, despite some hiccups, mainly because we took you and your best friend from daycare, into the city to spend time together, play in the park, and eat some cake.
Your face was laughing like this for three hours.
After spending five years together at the same daycare, you now go to different preschools, but since we only live a couple kilometers apart, we are trying to keep your connection going while we can, because you are good for each other. You have such different personalities, yet seem to complement each other and bring out the best in each other. You are far braver when she is with you, willing to put yourself into situations that you would otherwise draw away from. And your friend becomes more thoughtful and reflective, more balanced emotionally too.
You talked nonstop the entire time.
Even from a very young age, our reference groups matter and while parents don't have much say in who their children spend time with later in life, in the early years, there is far more control. I wonder how many use this control to support their own interests and prejudices, and how many do what is best for their child?
It is impossible to tell.
But, we all act in our own self-interest, so I assume that my own prejudices are shining through in the decisions I make for you also. The other day, I was trying to explain to you that despite not liking all the decisions we might make, every one is made with the intention to help, to support, to bring out the best in you, whether that be required now or sometime in the future. And, every time we ask you to do something, there is a reason for it, it is always meant for your best.
Is it just a story I tell myself?
Possibly, but I don't think so. I think you are lucky. Not to have me as a father as much, as you to have the mother you've got. She is good to you and for you, though in my opinion, she is a little too soft on you at times too, and concedes a little too much ground. Though, I make up for that no doubt, so it probably balances.
You like to know everything up front and know in advance how things are going to run, but I hope that you will realize, that rarely do things go according to plan. Life is messy, it is disorganized and if you plan with the expectation that the planning will run smoothly, you are going to spend a lot of your life disrupted, disappointed and feeling that sense of failure. At least in my opinion, you will need to build the understanding that random happens, there are no guarantees, and alternatives are the norm.
Plans change.
Just like today, where we had planned to go to the park all week, but the weather for today was filled with rain. It can be disappointing, but it doesn't mean it has to ruin the day, as there are other things to do, other places to be, and you would still have the time with your friend, laughing and joking together. And then, weren't you so happy when we caught that break in the weather and you could actually play in the park for an hour?
Plans changed again.
Even without that though, you were having a ball, as was your friend. That is the first time I have seen the two of you play like that together and it was wonderful to see you in your world, interacting with your friend, unencumbered by us - free. Yet, you were still reserved, still controlled, still pushing yourself harder to test your limits, but not taking it too far. I think that is a good way to learn - stretch, not overstretch.
And there were hiccups today, but not with you. The damaged kitchen cabinet will have to be replaced, throwing our schedule for tomorrow into disarray, but it was brilliant having you help me read the plans, find the screws and bolts, and guide me to put the other cabinets together. I love how fast you get the hang of reading the assembly guide, which is probably connected to why you like to know everything in advance, and want everything to go to plan. But as said, despite best efforts, things don't always go to plan.
And, there is no such thing as perfect either, so it is best to stop searching for it and instead aim for the best possible under the conditions. The more you meet your best, the better your best becomes. But what the "best" is for you, is up to you, at least in time. For now, you have us striving to deliver the best opportunity for you. And because the majority of your opportunity lays ahead of today, the best now is to prepare you for then, even if it is not always the most fun to do.
After I read a couple pages of Mary Poppins before you slept, I could see how tired you were, after spending all of that energy during that day. It is a good feeling, isn't it? Using all that energy and then laying your head on the pillow, knowing it was enough.
Is that how every day should be?
❤️❤️ Love Daddy
These are for my daughter and I will write them from time to time in the hope that one day, she will have a collection of our lives together to read through and get a perspective other than her own. Due to their nature, they aren't easy for me to write, but life keeps reminding me that there is such a thing as too late, so I have to be prepared before that happens. And while a personal and ongoing conversation, I do hope that those who may read these will find value, even if it is in the form of entertainment, like a fictional book that draws the reader in, with characters that become familiar. Life is hard at times for us all.
