It was a decent day yesterday, where there were about twenty different sporting activities to pre-signup to, like eFatbikes, weightlifting, badminton, various yoga and body maintenance, pickleball, climbing, trampolining, adventure park (hanging and climbing stuff), orienteering and a few others I can't remember. I ended up doing yoga and pickleball.
Yoga reminded me how out of shape I am and how much flexibility I have lost.
Pickleball doubled-down on my out-of-shapeness.
What was nice about pickleball however, is that despite not playing any similar sport at all for nigh on twenty five years, my ability to be "okay" at it was still there. My body doesn't seem to care what the sport is, if there is a ball and a bat of some sort to hit it with, I will manage.
At least the stroke didn't take that away.
I have been pretty careful with my activity since the stroke. Too careful. I really need to get out and move more and build back some of my confidence in my body. I can't rely on my body, but ignoring it so it atrophies isn't going to help me either, it is just going to compound problems in many other areas.
It is terrible not to be able to rely on myself.
Both my body and mind are fickle at best, so there is a lot of random results. As I have mentioned before, When I speak or type, the words that come out aren't always the one that I mean. It isn't a Freudian slip, it is more like I am meant to say something one way, but before my brain has fully processed the structure or chosen, it is already being delivered outwardly. This gets me into trouble regularly, but I try not to make a thing of it and explain what is going on, assuming that people will themselves assume best intention.
Assuming best intention is getting rarer however.
For example, a colleague last night told me they have been angry with me for months over something I said, which was obviously intended to be funny. I apologized for saying it and they way it made them feel, as it is never my intention to hurt anyone. They said I should be careful with what I say and I mentioned, I can't always control the way things come out.
"That's bullshit - you are a native speaker."
I decided to explain about the stroke and how it has affected me, yet they didn't accept this at all and doubled down on how I have to control what I say. I found it interesting, because while this person felt that I had offended them, they had no problem in taking absolutely no regard for who I am and my own challenges I face. Essentially, they became the epitome of hypocrisy in real time, without even recognizing it in themselves.
It is like blaming someone with Parkinson's for moving too much.
While we have to take responsibility for our actions, intention also matters. Intention completely changes two otherwise similar outcomes. For example, if a car swerves onto the wrong side of a highway into an oncoming truck, it matters whether the driver had a stroke and lost control, or if they were looking to commit suicide.
Because the intention of our actions can't always be known, assuming best intentions is a far better position to take, unless there is due cause to think differently. Yet, these days, many people don't do this and, they are constantly on the prowl for ways to assume worst intentions, especially when it is something where they can make themselves a victim. People only have their own experience to draw from, yet also make assumptions about the experiences and personality of others, based on their own personal biases. Many seem to think that they are the only ones to face discrimination, or poorly-worded jokes.
If I had a dollar for every time I have faced something explicitly negative at work, I wouldn't have to work.
But, being an adult also means taking responsibility for how we feel about our experiences and this includes when we hear things we don't want to hear. If we create a world where people have to constantly "watch what they say" just in case they hurt someone's feelings, no one can say anything, because everyone has the potential to be hurt by something, including something the majority see as innocuous. To say "but it is normal to say because of culture" means being discriminatory and diminishing someone's feelings, someone in a minority by thought.
This is obviously untenable.
But if we assume best intentions and take responsibility for our own emotional state, even when we feel hurt, we are able to take a position that it wasn't intended. This doesn't mean we can't mention it, but we don't have to be damaged by it. We can have a conversation (like we did last night) and work something out. This doesn't stop damage being done in the future, but it means there is a chance to build a stronger relationship so that in the future, mistakes get teased, like friends do to each other out of care for each other.
The emotional sensitivity of the world today that looks to create drama and emotional volatility, encouraging people to "speak their mind" thoughtlessly, taking no responsibility for their effect on others, only looking to make themselves feel better, is folly. Because, it keeps escalating the problem, because when people don't take emotional responsibility and instead lash out, they are ultimately going to make other sensitive people lash out too, and it becomes a proliferation problem, ramping up until everyone is increasingly and constantly hostile.
Which is what we are seeing in the world.
I don't blame this person for being upset, because that is what we have encouraged in culture, rather than assuming best intentions. For people who don't necessarily have other important issues in their lives, small dramas become large, mountains out of molehills. Best intention takes the volatility out of a lot of social interactions, especially in the workplace where there are a wide range of personalities, experiences and relationships. Relationships matter and if one of their friends had said the same thing to them, they would have laughed.
So, it wasn't what was said, it was who said it.
Isn't that discrimination too?
Lots of interesting conversations last night.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
