A friend of mine has recently got divorced, even though there was technically nothing wrong with their marriage. However, what they realized is that as they have gotten older, they were finding themselves reevaluating what they value and find important in life, as well as whether they are heading in that direction. This is likely common, considering that often when people meet and get married, they are much younger, less experienced, and don't have a good understanding of what they will value in the future.
They were visiting us yesterday and we were talking a little about younger people and how we believe they are making some fundamental mistakes. For instance, my friend has been seeing a lot more stories of middle age women on Twitter, talking about how they feel they have been cheated in some way. Not by their husbands, because many don't have them, but by society itself.
They feel cheated by the narrative that in order to be happy, they need to have a career, that they don't need a man, that they don't have to have children, that they need to be independent. However, now, decades later, they feel empty in some way, that even though they are successful and financially secure, they have a void in them and it is too late to fill it.
Learn from elders?
We are terrible at predicting how we are going to feel about something in the future, and even worse at predicting how we are going to feel about something that we have no experience with, and little understanding. And, this is combined with younger us being quite confident that we know exactly what we are doing, without fully understanding the implications of the consequences.
For instance, I wonder if people really knew what they would be willing to do and how they would feel as a drug addict before they became one, would they ever let themselves go so far? So, if some of these women could have pre-experienced the feelings that they have now, the void they speak of, the loneliness, the disconnection and the feelings of irrelevance, would they have made different decisions a few decades ago?
To each their own?
It is a funny thing these days, as we are essentially told to mind our own business and let people live the lives they choose. Yet, I wonder if this has always been the case in communities where there are interdependencies amongst people. Is "doing as we please" when we are benefiting from group-enabled conditions appropriate? It is an interesting thing to consider, because a lot of our personal conditions, are going to impact on the lives of others, either directly, or indirectly.
For instance, I mentioned how my daughter was kicked in the head at school the other day by a seven year old boy. What led him to acting that way - is it mental problems, parenting, home conditions, poor diet causing emotional issues? I don't know, but his behavior directly impacted on my daughter, but the cause of his behavior indirectly impacted on her.
Similarly, a child who is fed a very poor diet by parents, is likely to have a whole range of issues in the future, such as illness, emotional struggles, confidence hang-ups, behavioral and social challenges, as well as other things like body image and relationship with food problems. By then, it might be "normal" because it is so common, but if the average is unhealthy, we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to, or normalizing the average, right?
Everyone else is doing it?
Cultural change is inevitable and trying to hang on to the past is always going to be a losing battle. But, this doesn't mean that the present or future is better than the past. In general, things do improve in some areas, but if the degradation in some areas is of the type that will eventually lead to a worse experience, then it should be at least challenged. I feel that the current trajectory of social interaction and individualistic behavior, is going to lead us into a situation of severe community degradation. Instead of a culture that empowers us to be better, it will be one that encourages us to be worse as individuals, and by extension, as a community.
As said, we aren't very good at predicting how we are going to feel about our experiences in the future, and we also aren't very good at predicting what that future is going to look like. I might be wrong, it might be a utopia of a society, where people are living their best lives, full of joy and love. But, I don't see current behaviors tracking that way. For that outcome, I feel things would have to change significantly in society, across everything that is important to us now.
What is important now?
Like my friend has recognized, their mindset and understanding of the world in their early twenties, is significantly different as they approach their fifties. If they could go back and make a few different decisions knowing ho they would feel today, they likely would have adjusted in ways that would have been more supportive of their future self, and less supportive of their present understanding.
Of course, that would require understanding in the present.
A lot of people blow up their lives later in life, as they recognize that the life they built through past actions, is not the life they want now, or what they predict they want in the future from now.
Wouldn't be more effective to make the change earlier?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
