Instead of three one-to-one sessions, I ended up having five. Well, four and a half as one was only able to stick around for a bit before he went off to a meeting. However, it is good to get a couple extra hours on the invoice and connect with the main fellow for a chat about the current situation. I am surprisingly tired though, which is a mix of some diverse conversations and a little bit too little sleep. I tried going to bed early, but only ended up getting four and a half hours of sleep. But I am persisting with changing my sleeping rhythm and making earlier, familiar.
And it was actually on the back of this very discussion that an interesting topic arose, as one of my clients is also a night owl and has been trying to change her sleeping patterns right now also. But it was asking about if there was anything from childhood that affected her habits as mine and how we create and attach to our identity at a young age, built on our childish understanding. This led into a discussion about differences between boys and girls (she has one of each in their mid-to later teens) in terms of risk behaviour, which led into investing risk as her son (the older child) has been experimenting with investing. I mentioned how the numbers show that women in Finland have more money in the bank than men, but men have significantly more money in stocks.
The interesting thing isn't the investing, but rather that it wasn't until a few years ago that she and her three sisters (only girls in the family) discovered that her father has been investing since she and her sisters were children, and owns quite a lot of stock various stocks. This surprised them because he never mentioned this or spoke about money much at all. This is most likely cultural where there are general taboo subjects.
Money, Religion, Politics, Sex.
Four things that cause many problems and affect our daily lives.
The strange thing is that a parent usually wants what is best for their child, wants them to be happy and have access to opportunity. Yet, many are like my client's dad and are unwilling to talk about topics that make them uncomfortable. People will hide their wealth in Finland for the most part, so talking about wealth is just not the done thing, even in the family. It is base, crude, vulgar. Yet, at what cost?
The discomfort of the father (I am making assumptions on general behaviour) meant that his children didn't learn vital skills for money management, investing, risk exposure and all the various trade and emotional mechanisms in play. He of course loved them and wanted what is best for them, but chose not to impart this part of his knowledge base because likely, it made him uncomfortable. For instance, many men want to be a provider and while a father wants their children to be able to provide for themselves, they also like that role and perhaps he saw this as his silent duty, something he did to protect his family.
But being quiet exposed his family instead.
My client only started investing a few years ago, after she got divorced and is now questioning why she didn't start when she was much younger, like her son has. But through this discussion she realised that it just wasn't made to be an option for her, or her sisters, because it was never spoken about in the family, or in society.
Don't talk about money.
But it is something that affects us daily, as we are all part of the economic ecosystem, for better and worse. So instead of starting at twenty and benefitting from all those years of compounding effects, she started at forty five. And the compounding effect of that is like her father, she hasn't been talking to her kids about money or investing either. It isn't too late, but it hasn't been part of their childhood upbringing.
We might not like the economic process, but not understanding it doesn't make us more able to navigate it. Not talking about the things that affect us daily, doesn't build an open learning environment to ask questions, practice and make movements early, and small. Small failures young are always educational, and rarely terminal. We can make investment mistakes with small amounts, and have plenty of room to rebuild and we don't have to worry as much about dependents or careers. But the pain of losing those relatively small amounts when young, are large impacts for a young person, so they hurt.
Pain is the best teacher.
It is good to note that a lot of people say they are open and happy to talk about many things, but when it comes to discussing their financial situations, they will close right up, even when they are doing well. Instead of having an open social discussion, we are left to infer and assume based on external observations, like what kind of car or house they have, or the clothes they wear.
Look how short her skirt is. What a slut.
Is promiscuity able to be inferred by the clothes someone wears?
Behaviour is the thing that matters in our identity, not the labels we give ourselves, or we give others. And it is the same with investing, or becoming a morning person for that matter. Once we start behaving in a certain way, that is what we immediately become. It doesn't mean we know everything or are good at it, but once we invest into something, we are an investor in the same way that once murder someone, we are a murderer. The difference is, we can change our behaviours and become something else instead, but not if we do something that can't be taken back, like murder.
I was questioning about whether I can truly be a morning person and I now believe that I can. Because as long as I run the actions of a morning person, that is what I am. My client became an investor the moment she invested and she is growing as a more knowledgeable and skilled investor the more she learns. But, even after the discussion she doesn't want to "interfere" in her children's lives and start talking about money and investing. Is that her talking, or the learned behaviours from her own childhood speaking?
Discomfort is irrelevant when we are talking about the people we care for, which means no matter how uncomfortable a conversation or topic might make us, at least with them, we should be willing to open up, be honest, and share. We don't have to be teachers, but when we voice our own experience it gives opportunity to review and discover alternative behaviours and decisions, and we will learn more and refine ourselves further, while building stronger, more open and trusting relationships.
No topic should be taboo.
There is a time and place to discuss anything.
Taraz
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