Well it's taken me over 17 years of 16 hour days and seven day weeks, but I'm proud to say I've finally watched every piece of porn on the internet. Thank you broadband. As I gaze down upon the lump of tenderized raw meat recumbent on my loins, I feel an immense sense of pride. There's not a cartoon tentacle on the World Wide Web I haven't seen. The number of cream pies I've witnessed must be in the millions. The stomach churning fetish sites I've visited on and off for the last 2 decades have left an indelible mark on my psyche. For example I went shopping yesterday and nobody offered to fuck me. Now it's time for me to insert myself back into society I suppose. Now I can lift a 3 seater sofa using only my right arm. It's not a talent I've found a use for, except when vacuuming the living room. The porn marathon is an achievement though. I'm thinking of contacting the relevant authorities to suggest regular annual porn marathons in every major city across the globe. It's a lot more fun than running 26.2 miles ad a far better spectator event in my opinion.
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Of course after a monumental project such as this has been completed, it does leave me with a lot of time on my hands. Well my right hand at least. Having achieved this self appointed task I must now go in search of a new challenge. One that will get my juices spurting. I have to say at this point there's a part of me that hates myself for producing this disgusting low brow shit. Only a small part, but my low opinion of myself has sunk even lower.
I think I should take a break though. It's been a long time since I've had a day off. I want my next project to be as meaningful as the last. There's no point going off half cocked. In my enormous experience it doesn't feel nearly as pleasurable. Of course my love of knobs has suffered as a result of this extended masturbatathon. Right now I couldn't even look at another knob without my balls cringing then recoiling deep into my body. I'm not going to be lovingly fondling anything for a long while now. I don't know if it would even be possible with the strength of grip I've developed.
If there's an important lesson to be learned from this, I haven't learned it. I have worked out that I could have filled 4 Olympic sized swimming pools. That's a thought. Maybe I could contact them about that. Swimming events in a huge vat of baby gravy. I'd definitely pay a lot of money to watch it. Of course the swimmers would have to wear thick goggles, but it would make the races a lot more interesting. And that's led me on to thinking, is there no depth of depravity to which I will not sink. We all know the answer to the question is no. For the last few weeks my mind has permanently been dragging itself through the gutter. If comedy is an artform then this is genocidal kitten rape, performed live in front of an audience of sobbing preschoolers. I'm therefore placing the #fiction tag on this so that no one believes it's true. It is true, only I don't want people knowing how warped and perverted I am.