As I'm about to write for this prompt, I just thought back to how I started this year with no plans or pressure on myself of any kind. I wanted to not be part of the many who had resolutions, it's a first time for me for as long as I can remember all my new year celebrations. But somewhere into the first month, I got a new plan.
After series of classes, researches, mingling with different minds and even joining a mentorship program... I went on a search to find something that would make my new year a different one without actually having a good or even a small plan. I had this belief that is not preached about enough that, "Having no plan is having a plan" lol.
Well, thinking back to how the year started and how it's going for me, I've been living every day of this year with some silent pressure that I'm not letting overwhelm me. I want to discover new stuffs, do new things, go new places and make a difference in this year but the pressure that I must do them, it's not as strong as some put on.
I think I have just the right amount of pressure to go on the pace I'm going in finding what I want to do and who I want to be by the end of this year in the aspects I'm more concerned with. I've shared before how I tend to take my time in making decisions, that has not changed and it's been a helpful thing for me in this journey of discovery.
My expectations and projections for my future are mostly what I'm trying to live in my present, that's silent pressure I am having everyday because even though I keep trying, there are just so little I can make my reality now and I keep wishing for the opportunity to live the others in my present. Still, I choose to be less pressured.
Yeah, a lot of what I have not planned and the little of what I've planned, are not going so well because it seem like I'm dreaming too big for my present situation but how I react to this feeling is, "it's only a matter of time for things to change". And instead of hitting myself when something fails, I remind myself that I'm alive to continue.
I've never thought that I'm being too hard on myself because it is one of the things I've always been most intentional about for as long as I can remember. Some things will happen anyways, bad or good, I just can't keep trying to take control of what will happen anyways. Instead, I focus on taking care of myself than being hard.
Pressures are real, I feel them a lot when they come but I think I've learned the art of limiting the level of pressure that comes my way. I've lost money, time and efforts in ways I wish I didn't in this year but that's not stopping me from giving all of that another trial especially on myself as I go on my quest to live my future in the present.
Image used is AI generated.
