Hi Everyone,
This is not one of my normal posts, but I feel like I just need to talk and get stuff off my chest.
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Some of my regular followers might have seen that I lost a really close friend a few weeks ago. We talked about anything and everything. Literally everything!! Stuff like cooking, how our significant others do stuff that winds us up, weight, snacks, tv programmes, body parts and even toilet humour! We were like two peas in a pod. One thing I miss about my friend is that she told it how it is. If I asked her a question whether I thought I was right or wrong, she would tell me honestly. Those times when she did side with me, she would always use the phrase "f&%@ em!"
I miss her so much and I can't stop thinking about her. I miss talking to her. What has really got me though is someone I thought of as more like a sister than a friend has really upset and angered me.
When I told her I couldn't meet her because it was only 2 days after my friend's passing, I never heard anything back. Nothing! Didn't check in to see if I was ok. She only responded when I asked my husband to message her to say I was hurt and upset by her actions, because I know I would have checked up on her and making sure she was ok frequently. Even then it sounded like it was scripted as opposed to coming from the heart. Everything that was said was a response to what I had asked my husband to write.
It was well over a week before I heard from her. Quite possibly 2. She said she was thinking of me. I didn't respond because I felt like 'why should I?' It had been so long for her to check up on me. A couple of days later she sent me another message asking how I was feeling. I replied to her later on that day and explained I wasn't great. That I was hurting and nothing feels real. I said I was glad to get away to my parents for a few days and spend some family time together. I actually asked her if she was free this weekend. She said she wasn't sure and would get back to me Monday. Well today is Thursday and I still haven't heard anything.
I have to say she's changed. I don't believe it's because she is a busy mum. I have other friends who are mum's and they make time. What hurts the most is that she posts every single day on social media. Every day without a break! Yet doesn't have a few mins to drop me a text to say yes or no for this weekend or even to make me feel like someone is there for me.
I don't know what her game is, but she hasn't been the same for at least 6 months. As far as I'm concerned, I've done nothing wrong and I always ask if she's in so we can see her. Not the other way round.
I feel like I have lost two close friends now. Both out of my control. Inside me, I want to tell her exactly what I think, but I know that would stir up even more 馃挬. I'm not one to mince my words. The other thing is, her partner and my husband are in contact all the time. So things are bound to get messy.
Right now I don't know whether to let rip or stay silent and never contact her again. One thing's for sure, if she wants to see me, then she can invite me out or over, rather than me asking to see her. I still can't believe how someone shares their whole entire life on social media and not have a few moments just to check that someone is ok.
This is one of the hardest things I've had to go through and knowing I don't have her support makes me feel worthless. Is she even my friend at all? I got more support from my taxi man who I've only spoken to a handful of times on bookings than my friend. What's that all about?
Anyway, I know this isn't one of the nicest posts I've ever written or you'll read. Just writing it down and letting my feelings out makes me feel better than bottling it all up inside.
Much Love,
Platinumblue x