Perhaps, I am a little out of practice or simply have lost touch with it. I used to go deep and to the "underdark" referencing Baldur's gate 3 area. You can only go there through the Tor browser and get lost in the content. Well, interact carefully because you never know who is on the other end. That was me then but now, I don't think I'd use Tor unless needed or unless my other personality comes up once again.

I was deep into all things about encryption and even joined a club that learns about cryptography. It was fascinating and politically motivated too. I might not talk about it a lot but I consider myself an anarcho capitalist and swings to libertarian sometimes. It's such a character development to see myself today and that I left everything behind a while ago.

For no reason, today I was browsing my old email and things associated with it. I found notes on a list of privacy friendly messages and how I used to have acquaintances that would only use emails like tutanota and other privacy focused messengers to talk.

In hindsight, I didn't know how I fell into this hole, the hole that I am in today which I can't seem to find a way back. I felt like I was fitting in that world more than what I have now. I mean, the world is full of possibilities and thrills at every corner. It was fun.

It's not that I didn't try. I have tried every possible thing to get out of this situation. I still haven't managed rescuing the old me that was trapped in time.Somewhere. The part of me that knows how to do cool stuff and knows all the right words to write.

I suppose the word that I was looking for was "passion". I came across something @selfhelp4trolls wrote in the past, a long time ago about me. He said this and I couldn't agree more. Overtime, I am still the same. I am just me writing stuff online and having some type of character development in between.

I don't feel that she has ever adapted her writing simply to get more views and I feel steemit is just an opportunity for her to do what she would be doing anyway, growing as a writer.

7 years later, I don't think I am someone who I set out myself to be. In fact, at one point, I was just a nobody existing in this world, slowly fading into the background. I don't intend the same, this time around at least. But considering what I used to write and the courage I had to express myself then, showed me how I have regressed as a person.

Sometimes, I ask myself if there are turning points or if lives are going to be the same. Parts of me liked it better in the past than today but parts of me enjoy the full freedom I am having now, the freedom and the freewill to decide what I want in my day-to-day life. While it was a luxury I sought and couldn't afford then.

I shared my work with someone who has never read any of my steemit/hive works prior when I shared it and they said that the writing I used to have then has a life infused to it. It was expressive and alive compared to what I am often writing these days which is admittingly dull to my standard.

Although I am stupider, I feel blessed with more empathy. I was a cold ass b and I would rather be right than be wrong. I was also pretty calculative but now, whatever and I have a more laid back approach to life. Perhaps, it's not a bad trade off or maybe it is.

As the night went darker and it was past 3 AM, I disconnected with a piece of me from the past. Today, I am back to reality, someone who is starting all over again.

Every Sunday, I typically would disconnect from everything that's not relating to family/nurturing a connection. Sometimes, the connection is with myself, my past self that I am still trying to understand and digest, what happened and how it happened. Then, the next morning, I was totally at present again. It's such an interesting experience and almost like going back into two different times and lives, even personality too.

I guess it's why people learn history. It's to study what happened, reflect and make the very best not to be bound to the same mistakes. Even if they're almost meeting the same problem, an approach to it would be different. The past feels like guidance and though life isn't like a video game where we can re-spawn but there's endless guidance of what to do/don'ts differently. That is all for my Monday morning reflections. See you again, maybe.