What "not" love should look like ...

At no stage of life. But it's not always love. Sometimes it's emotional hunger. Sometimes it's an escape. Sometimes it is a clumsy way to look outside for what is not being found in your relationship.

The infidelity of a woman or a man is often born of an unsustainable experience: that of having felt lonely for too long.

There are women who are not looking for another man, or men who are looking for other women for sport, maybe they do it because they are looking to feel like themselves again.

They are looking for a version of themselves that has been fading away between routine, indifference, lack of conversation, lack of desire and that painful feeling of accompanied loneliness.

That's where a woman or a man can go deeply wrong. Because when someone hasn't felt seen for a long time, any look can look like love.

When she hasn't felt heard for a long time, any attention can seem like fate.When she hasn't felt chosen for a long time, any gesture can feel like a resurrection.

A woman's infidelity does not always speak about the lack of values. Sometimes he talks about a wound, a disconnection, an accumulated loneliness, a relationship where the body stayed, but the heart had been packing for a while.

The reflection to which I invite today is to understand that many relationships are not broken on the day of infidelity. They have been breaking up in silence, in small absences, in conversations that never happened, in needs that their partner stopped looking at.

I think, it is an equal behavior for both, as well as for women and men. When one feels very lonely and abandoned, the essence is the same.I have a lot of empathy for being a woman with other women who go through similar situations. Now they are no longer those reasons. Because men and women are unfaithful on the same level and for nothing. Just because they want to be.

For some time now, this theory has been accepted as poker is one of those Moderna words for something that, let's be honest, many people had already felt before... we just didn't know it had a name. It's when someone wants you close, but not visible. He or she looks for you, writes to you, says nice things to you, shares moments with you, but never integrates you into his real life…

The truth is that we should never be for loves in secret mode, or for relationships that look like a confidential Pentagon file. It is one thing to take care of what is being born, to protect it from noise, opinions and unnecessary stares. That's intimacy. That's respect. That can be healthy. But a very different one... it is that, after a while, one continues to exist only in private moments, in nice messages, in long calls, but not in real life.

That's where one has to ask a very necessary question: is this privacy... or are they hiding from me? It is to be unfaithful even hiding the relationship...

Love doesn't need a show, but neither should it ask us to make ourselves small to fit in anyone's pocket. After 50, 60 years of life, one is no longer to be “the hidden folder”, “the beta girlfriend” or “the relationship in incognito mode”.
A woman or a man who is dignified and complete, does not fit in a small space. Love, when it is healthy, does not hide you: it takes care of you.

It takes common sense as a lifeline to be able to be and awaken the most instinctual, it is valid as long as you do not depend on it to live.

It's good to be agents of change for something immense. Happy day.

Janitze 🦋