For as much as we've been alive on this Earth, we all must have experienced some measure of pain. And it's not the pain that comes from cutting yourself or tripping and falling. It’s the kind of pain that might have cut us deeper than even the sharpest blade would. The pain that leaves indelible marks on us that never seem to go away. This might be the worst form of pain because with physical ones, all you have to do is put on the right soothing ointment and give it a few weeks. But the pain that comes from the inside, it doesn’t go away with just a few weeks. Most of us have been carrying scars from years past, some even scars from childhood that followed them into adulthood.
Each day they wake up and look at themselves in the mirror, they only see those scars. Though they are inside, they see them so clearly, as if it were makeup on their face. The thing about being a victim of any type of emotional pain or trauma is the way it rewires our brain to see the world, or even people, in a twisted way. Especially if we were exposed to it for the longest time. We might get used to seeing hurt as a normal thing and might even want to carry it over to the next person, which is one of the most common forms of revenge.
People who were hurt sometime in their lives might want to wait until it's "their turn" to do to another person exactly what was done to them when they get the chance. Kids who were constantly criticized by their parents as a way of discipline may grow up giving the same manner of discipline to their kids when they eventually have their own. Or maybe someone who experienced neglect may decide to shut down even when dealing with the hardest emotions, and might find it very hard to care for others because nobody cared for them.
Most people might think it's only fair and excusable that people give back whatever they were given. But how fair is it? Remember that not all the pain we experienced was intentional; sometimes the pain we came to know came as a result of occurrences beyond our control. But as people who have grown and understood life more, choosing to give back the hurt we were given is totally our choice, and it’s not excusable. Imagine bringing an innocent child into the world only to inflict the same emotional wounds you had as a kid, leaving the child wondering if they were a mistake you can’t forgive in your life. That child will grow up feeling unloved and will probably decide to carry it on to the next generation. And slowly, the world starts turning into a whole toxic space just because someone didn’t let go.
My mom is a big believer in the fact that "time can fix any situation if we let it." Each time we see people who might have hurt us and the only thing we can think is, "this person hurt me and I can never forgive them," then we’re the ones holding ourselves back. Ever since I learned this, it has shaped my view about forgiveness. True, it may be hard to do. But what is harder is having to walk around being a sad person who doesn’t have peace of mind. Making excuses as to why it is fair to return hurt for hurt is not the way to go. However we choose to respond to the traumas we have faced, we would do well to also remember that what goes around comes around.
