People experience family bonds differently, especially when it comes to their extended family. For some, uncles and aunties could be the best thing that ever happened to them, while for others, it’s a story for another day. Most times, uncles and aunties from one side of the family, whether maternal or paternal, could be more fun to be with than the other. Sometimes one side feels like home, while the other feels like somewhere you visit because you have to. Family is funny like that. Same bloodline, completely different experiences.
Personally, I wouldn't say I have the best relationship with my uncles and aunts. Maybe just a few from my maternal side. My paternal side of the family is just hectic. Relationships have never really been smooth on that side, and I think growing up around that kind of environment naturally affects how close people become. I've lived with a few of my uncles and aunts, and some were definitely better than others. Living with someone also gives you a very different perspective of them. I didn't get to experience what most of my uncles and aunties were because of certain circumstances...death, distance and unresolved family issues. Yes,my parents have some disagreements with some of their siblings we inherited as we grew making us keep significant distance from them.
But despite my own experience, I personally believe in family. I believe there is something valuable about having people outside your immediate parents who can be part of your life. Your parents cannot be everything to you, and having other adults around can give you different perspectives, different experiences and sometimes a different kind of support. There are things you might comfortably tell an aunt that you wouldn't tell your mother. There are things an uncle might teach you simply because he has lived through something your parents haven't. Sometimes these relationships become some of the most memorable parts of childhood.
So, when I think about having children of my own, I would want them to have uncles and aunties they can actually look up to. I don't just want them to know that these people exist because they see them once or twice at family functions. I'd want them to have actual relationships with them. People they can call, visit, laugh with, learn from and create memories with. I'd want my children to know their cousins too, so they don't grow up thinking every relative outside our household is just another name on the family tree. Most of the most beautiful experiences I've had was from being close to a few cousins. There's always this little feeling of joy knowing you're looking forward to spending time with cousins from different aunties and uncles. Having a full house united in love is a feeling out of this world.
However with different people and different personalities, sometimes some nerves are hit and some boundaries and crossed. I would also teach my kids to protect their peace at all costs. It was one mistake to let someone run you over or manipulate you in the guise of being a part of your extended family. Family is important, but boundaries are important too. If an aunty or an uncle is showing toxic traits, it's best to let go of such person if the person isn't open to improving. There are things experience has taught me and I wouldn't want my kids to go through the same path.
Image is Ai-generated
