“Everything happens for a reason.” I hate those platitudes. There is something to them, obviously, and actually something interesting on the level of communication and understanding. There are several levels of depth to them, both the phrases as well as the receiving.
Schulz von Thun used ideas from Bühler and Watzlawick to create a communication model. He differentiates between factual information (Somebody is ringing the door bell.), information about the emitter (I hear the door bell ringing and it bothers me.), information about the relationship between receiver and emitter (You’re closer to the door.) and the request (Please go and open the door.).
In Platitudes, we have different levels of understanding. Of course, if somebody tells you “Everything happens for a reason” they’re communicating on all 4 of those levels, though different things.
Factual: Shit happens so other shit happens.
Self-Revelation: I have no idea what to say, and I’m not able to just listen and stfu, so I say what I was taught to say in these situations. Oh, and your feelings disturb me, so I give unsolicited pseudo-advice.
Relationship: I want you to feel better.
Appeal: Please stop telling me about things that are sad and I’m not mature enough to handle.
I’m cynical here. Obviously.
But the receiving end is interesting here. There are 5 levels on that side of the letters:
First level – you have to be able to hear the words. Your brain has to be able to have access to them, so you can process. Same goes for deaf people and seeing the sign language. Which brings us to level 2:
You hear the words and understand their separated meaning. Each word by itself, you understand it because it’s in a language you understand. Most of you would smack me if I said “Alles hat seinen Grund” because you thought I insulted you. Fair enough.
Your brain is able to connect the words to a whole sentence and your cultural background allows you to interpret the words in the way that they’re meant, including the various other factors of communication. For example, if you get one part of the whole wrong, you could answer: “So it’s all my own fault? Is that what you’re saying?” Smacked me again.
Welcome to level 4! You actually understand what this all means on a non-literal level. You know it’s supposed to give you hope (though that phrase is seriously unsuited for that), strength, calm you down, and so on.
But then, eventually, there comes Level 5. This one is interesting, I’ve encountered it many times and was flabbergasted every single time:
You can actually feel it. Something happens after the sad thing that could only happen because of the sad thing. You now feel that it really happened for a reason, hopefully a good one. Of course, your brain is probably tricking you with a coping mechanism to get you out of hole of slow self-destruction that the sad thing has thrown you into, but hey, whatever works. It’s weird, because that worn-out platitude suddenly has a very real meaning, and now it's really helping.
You can use that with many figures of speech:
“Nichts wird so heiß gegessen, wie es gekocht wird.“ (Nothing is eaten as hot as it’s cooked.) Yeah, felt that one many times in my chosen home-country and its culture with tendency to drama.
“Not macht erfinderisch.“ (Necessity is the mother of invention.) When you have your own business, especially when starting, this is THE most remembered phrase.
„Reden ist Silber, Schweigen ist Gold.“ (Speech is silver, but silence is golden.) That thing you said when you were drunk… We all know it.
„Hochmut kommt vor dem Fall.“ (Pride comes before a fall.) Not one that is easy to admit, but yes, been there, done that, got the lesson, keeping my ego in check now.
Of course, there are many more. The older we get, the more of those we comprehend. If we have a fairly moved life, of course. If you stick to the same each day, you’ll be stuck at level 4 with many of them.
