However damaged my family, I'm deeply a part of it. It might be crazy after all these years. After all, after all these years, how much damage did my family do. How much, in emotionally hugging onto my

Yesterday morning, that my power is all in my head, popped into my head. People who abuse power to disempower others do so against those they perceive as weak. Put in front of them someone who knows their

My brother was born two years after me. My mother thinks that it was because of the drugs at childbirth; for the first year he was sleepy, didn't develop fully. They were afraid he was mentally disabled,

1). The Theft That person with multiple talents told herself she was doing a favour by withdrawing. Kept  her music to herself, did not publish, share with the world.  She retreated int o what she thought

(1) Entering adulthood with a syrofoam cappuccino It was 1996 and Sex and the City and Friends was a thing. London was a different place. The middle class hadn't yet started talking with a faux working

I was initiated into the Prophet some 12 years ago by an elite soldier stoner boyfriend with a fascinating mind, not University educated but far more educated than me in lifep, Kabalah, philosophy and

There is a funny thing about dreams. You wake, you have them, you remember for a minute and then it's gone. But inside that dream are all the teachings your unconscious wants you to know to help you. There's

Over the weekend I cut down vines from my back yard. I've been having them crawl up the fence, over the yard and onto the external wall of my building. The neighbors complained lightly a while ago that

I'll cut the verbosity for this one. In January I did a second round of IVF. I was 43 and a bit back then. I keep staring back at the photo I took now of my medical report because I can't quite believe

So here's the thoughts that occur to me. First, I think too much. I know this about myself. Probably sounds like a statement of the bleeding obvious, given that you are reading s blog composed of the thoughts

My manager in my previous position. I listened closely. In our interactions, it was like a whisper in my ear: I want to be your friend, and I will be, but you've done this wrong and I won't approve of

After the mysterious kiss (see previous post Forty fucking four) there cometh the appointment with the fertility doctor. The one that my five months pregnant dental hygienist recommended for an endometrial

I'm on the bus going to doctor. It's my birthday. 9pm appointment. Why ? At my Sunday appointment, my dental hygienist is 5 months pregnant, knows I'm trying and strongly recommended endometrial scratch

They turn around and want to kill us. And we say, hell no. We say- have you got any idea of the suffering that we endured? The terror? The persecution? Not just the Holocaust. But if course, of course,

Beginning this blog, I began to realise that I'm much stronger than I realise. The seedlings were there. They grew when I began to see over time the extent to which my internal dialogue effectively disempowers

For years and years I have taught myself to fit in by pleasing others. Seeking their good opinion of me. Seeking their admiration from being good. ( I'm not in the game for being good through obedience).

About 4 years ago I had a profound experience . I was on a detox month in Thailand. At the same time I was fasting for a week, I was taking every New Age workshop going. It really began to affect me. The

A month ago I took a break to the desert and met there a couple of friends in their early thirties who were both mothers. The married mother had a three year old. The single mother had two children, a

Since I got back, I've been feeling increasingly miserable. At first, it was a joy because having been stuck in a public hospital in the East and thinking I would not make my flight due to debilitating