However damaged my family, I'm deeply a part of it.
It might be crazy after all these years.
After all, after all these years, how much damage did my family do. How much, in emotionally hugging onto my family, did I also fail to disentangle from aching wounds that tore me out of the present, and life's bounties?
Try family dynamics I was born into damaged badly my belief in myself.
But the family is something else. It's a place of love. My family is imperfect, myself is imperfect, and I am forever grateful to my family for giving and teaching me love. This does not mean I can't learn to love better from leaving my family, or from watching nature, from others. But lack of gratitude for love, even if the love is not returned, must surely be the truly original sin.
My family are refugees. Generations of refugees. In the last five generations, we have we different mother tongues.
Maybe that's why I'm more attached to being a part of a continued narrative of family than state. Or job. Even though the energy I devote to family, state and work doesn't always reflect that.
But then it comes back to going forward.
To accept what there is to love.
My job now is relax and to believe in myself. Deep down, I know my self worth. It's a journey of letting go, to get to self belief, not acquiring m I just forgot my self belief along the way.
All I need to do is to see my own worth. That I believe and deserve the best of what life has to give me. To act and to let go. It sounds like contradictions, but it's not. Being in the place of harmony, that's the place where I stop fighting myself and own my own power fully.
Believe in yourself. You already know it. You just have to open your eyes to see it.
