I was writing yesterday how what we consume influences our experience by forcing a creative imaginative process, or feeding thoughts directly so we needn't create anything at all. Much of what we choose to consume in the current environment is passive and doesn't activate or develop our potential or capabilities. But of course consumption is like breathing, where we are always consuming from our environment, whether we choose it intentionally or not. To choose the air we breathe, we'd have to plan ahead and be very intentional. Suffice to say, we tend not to be in our daily lives.
Whether we are classically creative or not, we all create stories that provide the content of our lives and drive our behaviours. Our "view" of the world gives us understanding and motivation for our behaviours. Which means that if we want to change what we do, we need to change what we believe about the world, change our story. It is good to note that whatever we believe, none of these stories are reality, they are all a version that we act on as if truth, even when they are heavily flawed. And it isn't hard to uncover this truth, because all we need do is look at the extreme beliefs that people hold that are demonstrably untrue, yet they act as if they are absolute. But we needn't be extreme in our beliefs, we just need to bite that "not true" is on a scale. Everything we believe is to a degree, untrue.
And this is more pronounced in what we believe about ourselves.
We tend to be quite blind in our own assessments of ourselves, sometimes we are overly critical, sometimes the opposite. We tell ourselves stories we are better than we are, and worse. Normally we do this because we hope to get something out of it, some kind of self-provided reward. Often something to reduce negative feelings, like guilt or shame. Sometimes to give us a positive feeling like satisfaction or pride.
But what I find interesting is that the stories we tell about the world and ourselves are a reframing attempt to rewrite history and our actions. We might say we couldn't have done differently to soften the blow of failure or to explain to others. Or we should have done differently to punish and belittle ourselves for failure, even when circumstances were not within our locus of control.
These stories become our narrative and the lens through which we view our experiences. The stories become us, because they drive our behaviours and define our identity. Yet, how careful are we with the stories we create? Sone people are highly self-critical, some people are highly self-praising. Neither may be close to the truth of reality, but they both influence personal experience.
Is it better to be self-deprecating, or conceited?
It is interesting, because self-deprecation seems to be more socially acceptable, but might not lead the individual to accomplish what is rewarded socially. Conceitedness seems to be less socially acceptable, but the people who are very good at what they do often have a higher level of it, perhaps because to perform at one's best requires a mentality that drives action, and being self-assured supports motivation.
If confidence is necessary to attempt more, one would have to be confident before having the skills, but that confidence isn't likely to come from external sources, because the behaviours aren't there yet. Essentially, one would have to lie to oneself to say, I can do this even when there is no supporting evidence and perhaps even, evidence to the contrary.
A false narrative.
We tell ourselves these stories naturally and largely by default. There is little intention of attention paid in their creation and application, even though they have a strong influence on how we experience the world, our reactions and behaviours. We make ourselves heroes and victims of circumstance in our own eyes, and try to convince others too.
The reason I am writing about this topic today is because after all these years alive, I am trying to come to terms with the many stories I have told myself that have dictated my own outcomes. My own narrative has largely been hyper-critical of myself, with very little ever being good enough, and it has affected my behaviour heavily. It has been demotivating, not inspiring, holding me back rather than driving me forward.
Is it too late to change?
Probably.
At least when it comes to many aspects. But, it is not too late to start a new chapter of the story, while I still breathe. I can't do much about the air, but I can improve the way I move through it.
Taraz
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