Tonight, will be the first time that we are going to see our daughter "formally" dance, as in the year and a half she has been attending classes, it has been held behind closed doors due to Covid restrictions and the space available. It will just be a rehearsal tonight, with the recital being tomorrow, however it will be good to see her perform in some way and I will be interested to see which parent she got her stage presence from - her mother who doesn't mid the spotlight, or her father who avoids it at almost all cost.
So far, she seems to be more like me. Especially with her temper temperament.
I have a vague recollection of being in an end of year school play performing "The Enormous Turnip" when I was around her age. Well, "in" is not quite the case, as what I recall is that I was a cat, had to wear stockings and I refused to go onto the stage. I was "recast" as people were literally walking onto the stage. I can imagine my daughter doing something like this - she is stubborn too.
The memory is so faint, that it could be that I dreamed it. Perhaps 
However, A few years later, I would play my biggest role ever, the lead in a Christmas play as Rudolf. It is funny what I remember from those ages and various times, with some parts of it being crystal clear. Back in "those days" there really is only the memory to go on, as it wasn't common for people to take photos at these kinds of events, so there are no trigger images to lookback on and keep the memories fresh.
My daughter isn't likely to have that problem, since I try to make sure that I do capture something from her life "events" and I think that in time, they will have some value for her. Or not - perhaps they will remind her of terrible moments of embarrassment - depending how these performances go.
Though at least for this recital, we aren't allowed to film at the event itself, only in the practice. This is likely because they will film the "main event" and want to sell it to us for 40€ or more. And, we will probably buy it, since we won't have a chance of a "record" of her first performance otherwise. And, I am not expecting the Bolshoi here, it is going to be a small group of randoms wearing Christmas elf hats. But, Smallsteps is really excited and I am too for her.
I have sometimes wondered whether it is better for her to be a "limelighter" who takes center stage, or "quiet achiever" who plays background parts in life. Often, the ones who take center stage have a better time of it socially, but in this day and age, they also become targets. Personally for me, I prefer the behind the scenes roles, not because I care about the targeting, but I (surprisingly) like a little bit of privacy too, especially in the workplace. I want to do my job, get paid and move on - I don't need a fancy title or a pat on the back.
Every parent of course wonders what their child might do in later life, but I am not too concerned about what role Smallsteps actually plays, as long as she feels content with it. Hopefully, that means looking to reach her potential, rather than contently sitting on the couch doing nothing - but that is her choice.
Lately, she has been making a bit of a thing about being able to make her own decisions with things and we have been discussing it, even though she has always made a range of decisions for herself. Before we open things up too much though, I want her to understand that the responsibility of making decisions come with consequences and she will have to live them. It isn't easy to explain this, experience is the best way - so as we slowly and "explicitly" expand her responsibilities, we will discuss the consequences as they arise. I don't want to create fear so she doesn't act of course, but I don't want her to be thoughtless in what she does either.
As I said the other day, I am definitely not the best parent under this roof, but I am still pretty active in the building understanding side of things, and there is no doubt I am the strictest. I don't mind that and I think it plays off well with the style of my wife, as we are able to together handle the various sides of our daughter's personality, letting her be free to roam, but also tempered by a sense of responsibility for her own experience. So far, this approach has worked relatively well and supported her growing personality and skillset.
When I was a kid, I didn't receive this kind of parenting at all and was largely left to my own devices. While I learned a lot, it took me decades to forget much of it and relearn, as well as discover parts of myself that would have likely been better uncovered far earlier in life. Better late than never, but possibly too late to be of an advantage.
Life however is a dance and much of what we concern ourselves with is largely useless and ridiculous in the grand scheme of things. But, this is the life we have and it is our experience through it that matters. It is easy to judge each other over how we each live our lives but when personal responsibility is the framework - we know that we each live with the decisions that we make. I'm okay with that and I hope Smallsteps will learn to be too, rather than being a victim of the world, like so many these days - helpless, looking to be saved, proxying responsibility of decision making to anyone else, so they have someone to blame for the conditions of their experience.
Not all want to learn to dance, some just want to be led around the dance floor, pretending they are dancers.
Taraz
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