It's almost never a coincidence...

I like people who have criteria and express themselves being faithful to their convictions (even if most of them go against their vision), that's a reflection of really having self-esteem. However, there is a thin line that connects what we say with how we say it.

And here I want to stop at those of us who receive the message, because what we look for in the other is almost never “coincidence”... We human beings by nature have the tendency to look for what we already know even if we don't do it well. Watch out for that.

There are people who feel comfortable being treated harshly, because at some point in their history that was what they learned to interpret as attention or even love, personally this does not apply or go with me. The point is that that tone that resonates so much is not new, it is familiar. And the familiar, even if it hurts, always feels like home. Because there are people who learned to know their value only through the eyes of others.

In the same way, when someone grows up in a system where love and approval came conditioned to performance, and where others decided if what you did was enough or not, the result is almost always the same an adult who knows how to demand himself but does not know how to love himself, who knows how to find his flaws but not his achievements, who looks for confirmation in others that he never learned to give himself.

However, that inability to love each other without intermediaries, is exactly what we see on a daily basis. Because the thing is, maybe no one taught you to be your own point of reference. And that learning, even if it comes late, completely changes the relationship you have with yourself and even with others.

My friend Carol, was raised like this, by her parents, thank God, she did not repeat the same pattern with her daughter, definitely, things have to be earned, but she lets her daughter experience her own achievement, in her own way, lets her have satisfaction in her own school grades, performances, and sports.

Working in us is and sometimes a small decision can become the beginning of a much calmer, clearer and more conscious life. Every link that hurt us, in addition to a wound, left us information about what we still need to look at in ourselves.

Limits, for example, that we had not learned to hold or some version of ourselves that sought to be seen in the wrong place. It is something like a map so that next time we know better where we are going, what we are taking, and above all , what we are not willing to lose along the way.

Janitze 🦋