Communication skills are something that are vital for our lives, yet how many of us actually spend time building our skillset? And it is more than just for getting what we want across, it is also being able to listen and understand, and react accordingly. If we aren't paying attention, our reactions are likely to be inadequate or invalid, causing more communication and interpersonal struggles. Yet, in a world of screen living, our general communication skills are decreasing, and we are becoming increasingly "void shouters" like on social media, saying what we want to anyone who will listen, regardless of whether they are our target audience or if what we say is harmful.
The other day, I wrote a post about best intentions and how if people assumed best intentions in what is said unless there is reason to assume otherwise, there would be far less conflict and far more open dialogue possible. However, one of the things that has constantly been pushed is that we should avoid discussing or saying anything that might be contentious or taken the wrong way, until we know someone.
I disagree.
It isn't that I go out of my way to be provoking, but when talking to adults, I assume they are emotionally controlled, well-adjusted and self-confident enough that even if I say something that might offend them, they will have a measured reaction. This way, we can be open with each other and then discuss conflicting points of view and test boundaries.
I think this culture where we are meant to protect everyone before we know them holds our communication back, especially where we punish people for saying the "wrong thing" for an individual, even though there is no way to know what is right or wrong before it has been said. It bottlenecks conversation, but worse than that, it assumes that people are incapable of having adult conversations.
This might be true.
But has it always been the case, or is it a new phenomena?
We are creatures of habit and when we wrap each other in cotton wool, tip toe around assuming people are emotionally immature and protect everyone from anything that could make them uncomfortable, the result is that our resilience goes down and we become triggered at lower and lower thresholds. Our coping ability atrophies and we become thinner-skinned, more reactive and feel increasingly victimized by the world around us. This creates a less cooperative and more combative environment, which slows or halts collaboration and innovation, and all of the compounding factors that apply.
Are you a child?
If we don't practice emotional control and we are unable to regulate our responses to discomfort, we are very much acting like children, crying when things don't go our way.
We seem to have forgotten that the "co" part of communication comes from sharing, it is not a one way street. Communication is about transmission and reception, meaning that both sides need to cooperate in order for there to be clarity and minimized conflict. Instead of cooperating in the discussion, the receiver is looking to block the message, if it comes in a form that they are uncomfortable with. This means that valuable information can't be gathered, because people are focusing on the noise, with the noise being personal preference of the receiver.
This doesn't mean that the transmission is always well thought out and valid, but assuming best intentions is to assume that regardless of the form, the person felt that what they were saying was worth saying. So, rather than dismissing things and seeing it as an attack of some sort, it is possible to extract the value and then mention that their are better ways to communicate going forward.
Sounds like an adult conversation, doesn't it?
Essentially, what we are doing here is widening our communication medium tolerance, so that rather than only being narrow band wave receivers, we are able to pull in valuable messaging from a variety of sources. We all have different transmission styles, so excluding all the ones that don't fit our receiver preference, means missing out on a lot, as well as feeling constantly disappointed, uncomfortable and attacked - even though that was never the intention of the transmitter.
As said, communication skills are vital for our lives and the better we are at the various aspects of communication, the better our life experience, as we have improved relationships, opportunities and a sense of feeling relevant, in a world that encourages isolation. Yet, we aren't encouraged to work on our skills and our cultural behaviors do not naturally support their improvement, which means that we have to take control of our skill journey ourselves, and find ways to make the most of the resources we have, even if they don't come in the ideal form for our preference.
I wonder who is listening.
And what they are hearing.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
