First Dates.
I love them and cringe at the idea of them as much as the next person. Like watching them - The voyeuristic experience of seeing someone meet a stranger, with nothing – or everything – to lose. It is hard to not compare them to your own first meetings, and you almost feel the flutter when the flirting begins in earnest. Chat is about the drinks, the food, random hobbies, ice cream flavours and life as they know it. You think everything is going swimmingly, the eyes lock longingly across the table, conversation is flowing and cheeks are rosy. And all of a sudden it is over as quickly as it began, the bill is paid and it is time for the verdict. “They’re definitely going out again” you think to yourself. Perfect match. Then you hear it. The ending that you’ve heard too many times before.
“You’re a great person, and I had a lovely time, but I just didn’t get that connection, that spark you know”
Their dates nod their heads, even when they earlier had confessed to being eager about a second date, or opportunity. “Yeah, I mean, I totally agree. It would be nice to hang out as friends.”
In sport, people miss their shots all the time. Golfers take a bad putt, footballers hit the bar, and rugby players get tackled right before the line. Sometimes people say dating is almost like a sport, but when did it become so much harder than that? When did dating become Mission Impossible? Are people too fussy? Are they getting uglier? Is it getting harder to open up or maybe impress in a world of the perfect social media life?
What seems to be a common theme or goal for people who are actively looking for a relationship is the elusive spark. So what is it? On a first date, it is purely based around lust as no one is going to be able to lay everything on the line in a few hours. You may feel like you do, but you cannot possibly know the other person at this stage. So, yes, you are all shallow beasts. The problem with lust, is that it has ebbs and floods. It won’t always be there to carry your relationship as the libido takes a hit through stressful times or even depression. Companionship and compatibility on the other hand is a better recipe for success. So why don’t we go for compatibility? Because we have been told that the spark has to be there from day one, or else there is no point, it’s doomed, they’re not going to be your Prince or Princess Charming.
Wrong. Have you ever met a person and then known them for a long time, only to look at them one day and realise you’re in love with them? Or have you perhaps gone on a few dates extra with a person you get on with but don’t fancy on a Jamie Dornan/Scarlett Johansson level, and found yourself madly in love, with a spark that compares to no others? Sometimes you need to stay on the ride long enough to get to your destination, people. Compatibility breeds love, which often breeds lust. It does not have to be the other way around, and perhaps things would be different if people would stop putting impossible demands on first dates. We are people, not love machines.
No wonder we love watching First Dates. And please, even if you aren't sure, give that person a second or third date. You could end up with the love of your life.
