A Bit of the Case Against Monogamy

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When I was younger I built a strong case against monogamy/one partner closed relationships. That case still holds logically but emotionally and feasibility wise it doesn't hold for everyone. It's just a case of how something is supposed to be done a particular way for it to make sense but emotions and resources may not let you do it that way.

Recently I came across a girl I met when I held very strongly to this case against monogamy and I was thinking about the arguments again and something interesting that happened between us that made one of the arguments even stronger.

This girl and I were friends, we had just met recently and were kinda in what you'll call a "talking stage". We clearly liked each other and every time we talked it seemed like we were feeling each other out in the bid to become lovers. You've most likely been there before. You know, early stages things.

Then one day we talked about relationships and all, and I told her, as I was always quick to do in those days, that I don't do relationships (closed relationships and monogamy) and that they don't make sense at all if you are to apply logic to them.

Different girls have different reactions when I tell them this. Some stop wanting anything to do with me, some agree with me and it is a blast, some don't agree but they still stay and do "no strings attached" things with me (some short term, some long term), etc.

But this girl was one of the ones I didn't add to the list, the type that felt like they'll still continue the talking stage but convince me along the line to get into a relationship with them.

So she said things in that line, trying to convince me that relationships were good and I should be a fan, and that with the right person like her it would be good.

And that's what our conversations started being about after that day. Always about her trying to argue and convince me that relationships are good and with her it would be great. Stuff like that.

Then one day I was passing by her house and while we exchanged pleasantries I noticed she was trying her best not to let me get a look inside the house. But I was really curious, so I put in a little effort and I couldn't believe what I saw. It was about the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my life. Right in this girl's house.

I asked who that was and she asked me why I was asking. I told her the girl looks like a real life angel and that's why I was asking. She was visibly jealous and had other emotions mixed on her face, but replied that she knew I was going to say something like that. I replied saying that's why she was trying to not let me look inside, isn't it?

She said "yes" antagonizingly. I joked and after she told me it was a church member who came to have her help her do someone and all. I said "okay" and I left.

Then I started thinking: this girl didn't want me to set my eyes on that beautiful church member. Why? Gotta be because the church member was so beautiful and this girl was scared I'll probably like the church member and divert my attention.

Clearly because she wanted me for herself, but isn't this one of the reasons monogamy/one-partner-closed relationships don't make sense? How can you want to claim someone all to yourself when you know that if they see someone better looking you'll lose them or at least they'll cheat on you?

Why try commitment when you know all it takes is just your partner coming across someone else? You wouldn't always be around to stop them from setting their eyes on every stunning person in their vicinity.

Definitely not every body thinks their partners would leave/cheat them if they see someone better, but a lot of people do, and they put efforts sometimes in stopping their partners from setting their eyes on those people. Also not every partner would leave or cheat if they see someone better looking, but a lot of partners fear that.

This girl definitely fears that, so how's she going to survive in a monogamous relationship? How is she convinced that it can work?

This is just one of the arguments against monogamy I used to give: it is not feasible, and deep down most lovers know, and they know it's just hanging on a thread. They know that simply seeing something else can make their partner leave them or cheat on them, but they still go ahead and bet everything on it. Go ahead and get married under the arrangement that their partner wouldn't cheat or leave easily.

If the had a little more faith in closed monogamy they wouldn't feel so threatened by their partner simply setting their eyes on someone else who looks better, became the understanding is suppose to be that their partners would definitely see things like that every day but acting on it is supposed to not be something you fear to be easily possible.

If you fear it's that easily possible why do you want a closed monogamous relationship when you know it is that feeble?

That's the argument, that it is feeble and considered feeble even by the people in it, but they still go into it with a lot on the line.

Conclusion

I held on to this argument and many like it that are against closed monogamous relationships, but the emotional value, the difficulty of the alternate, and the fact that if a truly monogamous person meets another truly monogamous person it is supposed to be a great union, these reasons make me not to be as against monogamy as I used to be.

These days I mostly just say be true to yourself and your partner, and you have to actually be convicted your monogamous relationship stands a chance or else you shouldn't be doing it.

The End

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