Do not be so hard on yourself, Isn’t it your first time living?
Maybe that is why we forget that every emotion we feel is happening for the first time.
There are days when everything, even the usual, just feels too heavy. When it is 3 am and you are wide awake, staring at the ceiling, your mind feels numb and dumb. As if, your chest being crushed by something you cannot even see. The kind of night where the silence is so loud; the kind of night where even reaching for a glass of water feels like a battle.
Sometimes, you look at your life and do not even recognize it anymore. The dreams you once held close feel so far away now, like they have slipped through your fingers. And still, you get up, put on a (brave) face and go through the motions, because the world keeps moving, even when you are falling apart.
Life, at times, is not gentle. It shows up with unanswered prayers, unmet expectations and the eternal heartbreaks. It is the text that never came, the opportunity that slipped through your fingers, the version of yourself you thought you would be by now but are not.
Sometimes, it is falling apart in silence because you do not want to weigh anyone down. It is forcing a smile at the table while your heart quietly crumbles inside. And even then, you are expected to stay strong to show up, to keep moving, as if nothing is wrong.
So, how do we process grief?
The truth is, most of us simply do not know. And that is something we tend to overlook, especially when we feel lost. No one handed us a guidebook for life. No one sat us down and taught us how to move through grief, heartbreak, loneliness, disappointment or change. We are all just learning as we go; we are just stumbling our way through moments that often feel too big to name.
We are not flawed; we are simply new to all of this.
Every single one of us is doing this for the first time. Trying to understand life as humans. Trying to hold love without losing ourselves; to heal without erasing the memories that shaped us; and to grow without completely falling apart. We are the newbies at being alive and sometimes that alone is overwhelming.
So if life has not been gentle with you lately, then please, let yourself be gentle in return. Let yourself rest. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be soften instead of bracing against every pain. You are allowed to not have it all figured out. You are allowed to move slowly. After all, you are still learning how to live. And remember, even the harsh moments carry lesson meant only for you. As my mother says, “The almonds do not make us smart, but experiences do.”
You are not weak for needing rest or for grieving longer than expected or for still missing something you should have escaped on from by now. You are not wrong for being soft. Your softness, in a world that keeps urging you to harden, is your greatest strength. It means you still feel, still care, still try. And that counts more than you realize.
Forgive yourself for the things you did while you were still learning. For the times you stayed too long, gave too much or believed too deeply. Celebrate the small victories, even the invisible ones. They are your proof that you are still here, still breathing, still moving forward in your own steady, gentle way.
Be your own safe space. When the world is too loud, be your calm. When it is too cruel, be your gentleness.
If life would not be soft with you, that does not mean you must become harsh in return. You do not need to match the storm. You can be the shelter. Wrap your arms around yourself. Speak kindly to your soul.
You are not behind. YOU are not broken. YOU are becoming.
......
Peace 🕊
