I look at humans as excavation sites. There is treasure buried within each and every person, it’s just a matter of whether or not they’ve dug and whether or not they can identify the value of what they discover.
The process of digging into yourself can be uncomfortable at first. You may discover all kinds of things you don’t like. You may find that the habits you thought were motivated by love are actually motivated by fear. You may learn that the things you thought made you a good person are all driven by selfish intent. And you may discover lots of pain that you didn’t know you had.
Still digging is always something worth pursuing because the treasures hiding inside us are so valuable that there are no words to describe their value. They identify our purpose and give meaning to our lives and can also help countless others. There resides ideas and experiences inside of each of us which, if expressed well, could change the lives of people around us for the better, not to mention our own lives.
At some point digging becomes a sport. It becomes fun. You find an old fear that you didn’t know you had and you rejoice. Every discovery brings you closer to treasure.
From this practice, you can feel yourself changing in real time. You can actually feel your beliefs being challenged and your desires becoming exposed. This is all happening of your own will though, there is no coercion involved, and so it actually can be quite exciting.
As you learn more about yourself, you feel the truth in your body, and so denying it becomes more uncomfortable than trying to fit into your ideas about what you thought you were.
This post was originally supposed to be an exploration of my own personal discoveries but it’s turning into more of an explanation of the process itself. I’d like to give at least one example from my life though.
Most recently I discovered that I want to be liked. This may sound like something that should have been obvious to be if I actually felt that way but it was not, because I had convinced myself that I was above feeling that way. I had been challenged by so many people, artists and entrepreneurs who claim to not care how others think and who I had much in common with. I had felt shame about this feeling and at some point convinced myself that I no longer felt it.
But deep down I know that I care.
Why do I care though? That is still hidden under the surface but I already know enough about the structures inside of myself to know, there are two reasons. One is because I want to impart gifts upon others. I care about them. I want them to benefit from my existence.
Another reason is that it’s natural. It’s natural to build feedback loops and if we are healthy they are positive feedback loops. To benefit others and to benefit from others is a positive feedback loop. It’s natural to want to build that.
The third reason is the one which is all the worms and hard rock that is blocking the true beautiful excavation. I am scared. I’m not scared of being disliked because of shame, but because I’m afraid of my well being being threatened. I’m scared of being hurt, not emotionally, but tangibly. I’m scared of someone disliking me and threatening my income streams. I’m scared of people not seeing my true value and not paying me for what I’m worth, and therefore me not being able to survive.
These are logical things to fear but the tricky thing is that being influenced by the fear is preventing me from reaching my true potential. So I’ve got to untangle the fears. This is chiseling the sediment from the excavation and discovering the jewels that lie within.
By overcoming fear, I can discover just how incredible I truly am. Overcoming the fear doesn’t mean it disappears overnight. It means I can see what I truly want to create without the limitations of what I fear. There are some things I may want to do but I fear they are not possible, so much so that I hardly think about them. Those are what I should be focused on!
Something cannot come to pass if you are too afraid to imagine it.
If I love people I need to focus on that as much as possible if I want to provide anything beneficial to them. If I love myself I need to admit to myself that I want to be loved by others.
There are all kinds of other discoveries I made about myself and make about myself all the time. I will share some of them next time!
And join me on twitch to talk about deep shit while playing RPG games in Japanese :-D
