Despite all the things I could complain about (and don't) I have to be grateful. The quality of people in my life is astounding. And I have to thank myself for being the kind of person who attracts such great people. There are many other things to be grateful for, but the people around me (IRL and online) make it so very easy to feel appreciation.
They are so beautiful!
I am on a unique kind of journey in life. I haven’t met many people on a similar trajectory over the years, and I don't fit well into any particular scene and so I'm always a bit of a loner. Somehow though, I have been able to have very very good one-on-one relationships with people, and slowly I'm able to bring some of these people together and form some sort of community.
I didn't always feel like this.
I think the two reasons I'm surrounded by wonderful people is that I followed my excitement and I made boundaries.
Excitement.
I stopped doing what I thought I should do and started doing what felt right to me. I followed my heart. This is something I'm still learning because it's often hard to distinguish what feels right and sometimes what feels right looks or sounds totally insane to other people.
When I chose NOT to use the last money in my bank account to fly back to my hometown and find a job, and instead traveled 12 hours by bus and train to go to a book store cause I had a good feeling about it, it felt kind of crazy, but I knew it also felt right. And it was. Things somehow worked out. I was essentially homeless for a while but it was all totally worth it, no regrets!
I have learned to live life like this, and I find that even if there is a temporary setback, there is always an upward trend in the long term, and there are always massive positive transformations.
I also tend to meet a lot of people on a similar upward trend and people who feel like kindred spirits by just following my exctiement.
Boundaries.
Some days I don't feel like talking and I don't reply to people. When I'm with people and it stops being fun for me, I go home or I take a walk. I spend more time one on one because it's easier to keep the vibe balanced. Sometimes I go out by myself or avoid other people just to get back to my own center of focus, and to stop getting lost in other peoples stories.
Even with work, I put myself in some situations I didn't really want to be in because I was worried that things wouldn't work out otherwise. Slowly over time though, I've taken small steps towards ridding myself of anything that doesn't feel good. Yesterday, I just rejected a new student because I don't want to start my day 3 hours earlier when I know it would throw my whole rhythm off, and I'm not desperate, so I drew that boundary.
I don't put in any more effort with the relationships where neither party benefits or truly enjoys each other. I tell friends when I don't want to talk about something that they want to talk about (usually politics or something negative that we've already talked about and that I don't think they truly want to fix). I stopped letting other people make me angry, and I take whatever action I can to make myself happier. Sometimes it means ignoring people, and sometimes (rarely) it means blocking them or actively avoiding them.
I have two friends who I have a No Negative rule with. They tend to spiral into these whiny tantrums, and I don't see how me suffering with them will make their lives any better, so I don't.
I try to see the best in people whenever I can, and forgive them for things that they seem to really want to change, although never putting myself in a compromised position that I can't handle.
I also try to bring whatever good I can bring to anyone and everyone I can. Because why not? What does it cost me? I don't do anything I don't enjoy, but I can search for the things that I enjoy that others might enjoy as well, or the things I want to do which might make someone else's day or benefit them in some way.
We aren't always in a zero sum game, and so it doesn't make sense to be stingy with our kindness or decency. We have limited time and energy (much much much more than we think), but we don't need to be stingy with it when we can share it while also doing things that fill us with more energy.
And so I find that there are more and more beautiful people around me. In my physical life, in my online life, or even just people who I have brief conversations with or interact with in my daily life.
It's not like I don't see difficult people or people that want to make drama and occasionally I end up sucked into a conversation with them. I just offer whatever kindness I can that will not make my day worse, and if they insist on trying to pull me into their drama, I protect myself.
I used to think these great people around me didn't exist, but here they are, in abundance. And I know there are many many many many more out there, and that sometimes the people we think aren't that great will show their greatness if we change something about the way we interact with them.
Life is complicated and no one is perfect. We can just try to be our best selves and hope it brings out the best in the people around us.
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