OK, time to be accountable once again! Let’s see how I did with yesterday’s accountability list...
Well, there’s a pattern forming here… the things that I can accomplished at home, I am able to do. The two things that I intended to do outside were not done. I can make up any number of reasons, but frankly they’ll amount to excuses, the most prominent one being poor time management. There was frankly no reason that I couldn’t walk outside for a little while yesterday.
Time management has always been a significant issue for me – except at work. Although I’m regularly one to arrive late at work, once I’m there, I am efficient and outstanding at time management. Once I’m out of work, and particularly at home… this all goes down the drain. Is it because I simply let myself relax once I’m outside the work environment? That’s quite possible, but… I’m not working right now.
Have I simply let myself get too relaxed? (I find this a bit ironic, since I am finding a busy to keep myself busy with career-related things even while I’m not yet formally working)
Perhaps I’m simply unstructured and dare I say it… too lazy to keep myself in a more structured schedule.
Either way, it’s no bueno. I can do better than this.
Well, let’s see what did go well… exercise was light but effective (I did mainly bodyweight exercises this time), stretching was slightly painful as always, and meditation was going decently until it got interrupted by my family lol! That’s ok… these things happen. A few minutes of meditation is better than none at all. I continue training myself to expel intrusive thoughts and relax my body.
Once again, we continued watching Genius: Picasso – a great show for art lovers – and also just a little bit of Golden Bachelor (lol). I did indeed get off the internet at 9:15 p.m., one of the earliest times I’ve managed in a very long time. Furthermore, I managed to go to sleep somewhere between 1:15 – 1:30 a.m., so I count that as a victory – and I was definitely asleep before 2 a.m. And I did sleep well, until around 6:20 a.m., when…
Nightmare! I again dreamed about airplanes crashing near my place of residence, and as the last airplane was coming towards the bottom of my place, I ran to try to save my mother as everything began collapsing… and that’s where I awoke. This has been a recurrent nightmare that happens every few months.
Some funny things… I don’t have a fear of flying, and I have been in safe airplane flights before. Now, in the dream, I happened to remember that I’ve had these nightmares many times, and as the first airplane was on its trajectory to crashing, I was thinking, “Oh, this is probably a nightmare again and I’ll wake up as soon as this plane crashes.” When I didn’t wake up, my brain tricked itself into thinking that this was real. Silly brain.
My only thought about the source of this nightmare is the 9/11 attacks. I was a child back then, and while I did not see it in person, this was my first exposure to terrorism, and the thought of airplanes crashing into offices or residences and thoroughly destroying their lives was something that must have stuck with me.
So, I’ve been up since 6:20 a.m. My intention today is to do some self-grooming and go to see some family members tomorrow. That’ll be the first time I step outside of my home to actually do something in quite a while. I don’t know whether I manifested some type of weird fear of going outside, as I’m not agoraphobic… maybe it’s just some fear of letting loose after spending so much time only working or studying at home.
I’ll definitely be logging off the Internet much sooner today. In fact, the goal will be prior to 8 p.m. That way, I can finish all my grooming and actually end up going to sleep hopefully no later than 1 a.m. That will certainly be a victory for me!
