Remembering 2022: The Great Rebirth

if to describe it in one word, 2022 was my year, my rebirth; a metamorphism of my more-than-butterfly life metaphor I have told myself to believe. To realized I was more of a butterfly, limited, short-lived and blind—to what beauty I am; how wondrous I could be. It was not easy, but it wasn’t like how I crawled my way out of a needle hole years ago, it wasn’t filled entirely with despair and existential dread. I made mistakes, not fewer than the last, but I stand up braver this time, to make account, to change, and to make things right.

The path I chose to take had different turns and stops and shifts. Challenges that I challenged otherwise. It was a long run, never linear, never steady, and never tamed. Just like who I am in a constant metamorphism, ever-changing, infinite and vast.

I died, died countless times in my room, died in a little body of broken heart and bones, died lonely, alone, confused and miserable in a never-to-be-ceased war between myself and my previous selves. But a mastermind might think to start moving beyond the grasp and try to bend things if not in their will, then the other way around. To forget, to forgive, and to love—my nightmares, my shadows, my demons of who I was back then. Even if how I ached to just vanish, my willingness to live and my dream to see the wonder of the world outsmarted it.

Sleepless nights, uncontrolled anger, hatred, depression, anxiety, monsters, monsters, monsters. Monsters I faced and still constantly facing, but whatever the universe speckled into me, if this is magic or merely the fruits of my effort, the good things rippled even in the innermost of my bones. Whatever magic the universe beheld that blessed me those people that painted color to my life, blessed me of courage and strength to climb the steepest peak of my breakdowns, blessed me of passion and kindness to remain compassionate and pure despite how the odds put me together among lions, I thank the Heavens above.

The opportunities that knocked on my doors and what I sought to find became a stepping stone to my breakthroughs. Big to little achievements that I will forever treasure as a trophy for my efforts, as a mirror to look at my reflection and how I have grown. Surely, there is no best year for the hardships and suffering equals the best moments in my life, but still I learnt a lot from it. It is enough to be grateful and to acknowledge that it is still my year.

I told myself a year ago with my new set of resolutions, that I should continue being true to myself and bravely take risk.

Before 2022, I set my foot here in Hive, with only my passion and determination with me. Less expectant, I only focused on my goal to provide for my family and train myself in writing. However, 2022 led me into my spotlight—the people around me being proud; I made my name; started earning and helping my parents in my 17 and 18 years; and I have improved all thanks to Hive.

Second, my adjustments with my new school last year wasn't an easy task, it was an effort to remain sane and at the same time exert being extra to be remarkable to the new crowd. I needed that way to live, because if I don't do such thing, I will become wholly a ghost all throughout the school year which I don't like to happen. Everything was difficult at first, but I am very glad to end my 11th grade knowing I did my very best to excel and to start my 12th grade meeting nice and kind people, becoming study-oriented, having the confidence to carry myself, and being braver to face the challenges and the world.

2022 was a year that I really got to nurture my passion despite how contrary my study field is taking me. It was a year that will always be remarkable to me as I got the chance to attend various media and film events, practiced more on art, showcased my dancing skills, and really focused myself on the writing field.

All that happened taught me to love myself more. The progress I made to stand up for myself and voice out is one thing only that is making me proud. Second thing is becoming independent and not relying to anyone. And that I benefit from all the experiences, molding myself to be more mature. Lastly, 2022 was a year full of emotions, feelings and balance. A great mentor and a teacher that made me realize it is very important to treasure relationship with my parents, family, and friends.

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