Have you been a difficult person to another or have you lived with a difficult person? How did you learn to manage him or her?
These were the two questions that were asked during Sunday School today, and in my mind, I had something to say because I have once lived with a difficult person for more than 11 years. Though it took me years to learn how to cope, I had the most challenging moment during that time.
I wouldn't say I am a soft person either because if you must agree with me, everyone is difficult in his or her way. Having gone through the ways to identify this personality trait in people, I discovered everyone is difficult to relate to or deal with as no one is perfect. While the talk was going on, I knew how difficult I have been even till now, but one thing is that I get to realize it on time, apologize to the affected victim, and make sure it doesn't happen again.
Who is a difficult person? If you are reading this, you should take some moment to check through your inner mind and see if you have been difficult to another, then you can try to learn how to cope using this coping mechanisms of mine which has been effective till date.
A difficult person will always have something to say, pin out of another person. They are easily prone to criticizing, complaining about everything, and most of all, judging. They are quick to point fingers at someone else even when they know who they are themselves. They find it hard to accept you for who you are but are always finding fault in you.
A difficult person acts as "all-knowing". They don't accept they are always wrong somewhere, they feel defensive whenever they are wrong. They are quick to shift blame and not accept their mistakes. This set of people feels superior in their opinions. They don't consider another person's point of view as they act bossy over them. They allow others to say their views but in the end, it is what they say that must be acted upon. They are always argumentative and will never allow you win over them.
They watch you go forward as they keep pushing you to hard work but along the way, they turn back until you have done 99% of the Job with the excuse that something happened to them. They do not feel remorseful and are unreasonable in making decisions. They are quick to attack you, insult you to the extent that people are cut down during interactions, and make a mockery of another person which will discourage and will not bother or feel concerned at all.
They are blame-gamers. They give excuses for their wrongdoings, and rather than try to solve a problem, they make it escalate or go worse. They agree to every commitment, but you cannot see them delivering efficiently. They are untrusting, inflexible, and quick to point out if something will not work out, trying to discourage other people who are interested in doing the task. They bully and are constantly demanding.
Lastly, difficult people, after a period of calmness, explode into unfocused ranting. They are always perfectionists. They are not contented but want things to be done perfectly.
Seeing all these characteristics of a difficult person, I believe many of us are guilty in one way or the other.
Something happened some days ago where I knew I still had this anger trait in me but I quickly changed. It happened that I was recording a video of a music to be posted on Hive Open Mic. I kept making mistakes that night and looking at the time, I was frustrated and feeling peevish at the same time. A friend called me to ask if I had a drug at home which I shouted and said, "Why didn't you ask me before I entered my room?"
I love to have no disturbance when I have locked my room because there is this way I block every corner of my room for rats not to come in, and when someone knocks at that time to request something, I feel unhappy as I would have to unlock the door and start blocking those corners again, it was always stressful every night but people won't understand when I try to explain.
When she called, anger arose in me plus the frustration of the video which made me shout at her. I opened the door and gave her what she needed. The next morning while praying, my conscience kept saying to me, "What you did last night is not right, go and apologize". When I finished praying, I went to her room, called her out, and asked a question "Please, did I shouted at you last night?" I knew I did and she would try to say no. I apologized to her and made her know something of such will not happen.
This is one way I get to manage my difficulty with people. When I go wrong with someone, my conscience would alert me, and immediately, I apologize to the person and that ends it. I wouldn't like a situation I am on bad terms with someone especially when I have left that place, knowing what I did was wrong will always keep me uneasy until I do the right thing.
Other ways to manage someone difficult or trying to manage yours are;
Be calm: avoid losing your temper when you notice someone in a difficult mood. When a fire is burning and you are adding more fuel to it, instead of trying to suppress it, you are making it worse. When you notice someone is angry or flaring up, it's good to be calm at that point because if you decide to lose your temper, you will only make the matter worse than how it was.
Understand the person's intention: find out what is making them act difficult, and identify what triggers that. If you are living with someone who flares up or lashes at you when you do not wash your plates immediately after you finish eating, the best thing is to always do the needful to avoid such moments. It's good to study one's principles and know what one wants and does not want, then it will be easy to cope with them.
Build a close relationship with such a person, and let your rapport be built with them. When you do this, you are learning from them, and would make it easier to know what they want. Above all, apply wisdom when dealing with a difficult person.
These are things I learned after years of living with my aunt who acted so difficult and it was not a problem anymore since then because all I do is comply with her and deliver whatever she wanted at that moment while I go back to what I needed to do, and no one would get hurt in the end.
If you can do this personally too especially knowing how the other person would feel about you, it will be easier to accept your mistakes and apologize. In all, always obey your conscience because when other things deceive you, the only one that will never deceive and would tell you right from wrong is your conscience. Also, ask for feedback from people. Let them tell you what they noticed about you and try to work on yourself. Trust me, this works for me and will work for you too.