[ESP-ING] What must happen to you for you to hit rock bottom? ||¿Qué debe pasarte para que toques fondo?
I am not an expert in human behavior, nor have I had many studies on the subject, but what I have learned from being married for almost 7 years is that there are people, like the one I chose as my husband, who do not learn from their mistakes or at least have a short term memory when it comes to remembering them. There is always a voice telling us that we are not on the right path, that you are going full speed ahead to crash into a big concrete wall, but, you don't realize it. You keep repeating the same patterns, even when you've hit rock bottom before, you think it won't happen again. However, gradually you get almost to the point where you fell before. This is what it's all about, you don't learn from your experiences, or you only do it for a while when your brain has already assimilated them.
Mi esposo, un hombre joven de 36 años, había empezado en el mundo de las fiestas y la bebida desde la temprana edad de 13 años; asistía a fiestas de adultos acompañado de su primo, en las cuales todos suponen que lo eres, te ofrecen alcohol y una que otra sustancia. Desde esa edad se interesó en ese mundo. No tenía ley; sus padres no ponían oposición alguna, el salía y entraba a sus anchas. Quizás cuando se es chico las responsabilidades son pocas y no corres riesgo mayor a ser castigado por tus padres, pero, con la adultez llegan responsabilidades que deben ser afrontadas con madurez.
My husband, a young man of 36, had started in the world of parties and drinking since the early age of 13; he attended parties for adults accompanied by his cousin, where everyone assumes you are one, they offer you alcohol and one or another substance. From that age he became interested in that world. He had no law; his parents did not put any opposition, he came and went as he pleased. Perhaps when you are a child, responsibilities are few and you run no risk of being punished by your parents, but, with adulthood come responsibilities that must be faced with maturity.
Con los años, vino la mejor posición económica y la obtención de logros por mérito propio; el primer trabajo bien remunerado a los 18 años obteniendo así un carro propio. Eso significaría más libertad para ir a donde quisiera sin dar explicaciones, un joven con trabajo y carro propio vive el día a día como si no hubiese mal en el mundo que lo fuera a dañar. Estaba viviendo el mejor momento de su vida. Muchos habían sido los intentos de sus padres para tuviera cuidado porque tomar alcohol, embriagarse y volver a casa no iban de la mano. Como todo joven, prepotente, rebelde y altanero hizo caso omiso a todo lo que le advertían. Siguió su rumbo, amigos, tragos, fiestas y todo lo que allí iba incluido. Nada pensó que le pasaría nunca.
With the years, came the better economic position and the achievement of accomplishments by own merit; the first well paid job at the age of 18 and thus obtaining a car of his own. That would mean more freedom to go wherever he wanted without giving explanations, a young man with a job and his own car lives day by day as if there was no evil in the world that could harm him. He was living the best moment of his life. His parents had tried many times to tell him to be careful because drinking alcohol, getting drunk and going home did not go hand in hand. Like all young, arrogant, rebellious and haughty young men, he ignored everything they warned him about. He followed his course, friends, drinks, parties and all that went with it. Nothing he thought would ever happen to him.
Uno de los tantos fines de semana que dedicaba a lo mismo, iba en su carro recién salido de la agencia con unos amigos; ese día decidieron que era aburrido quedarse en su solo sitio, empezaron a conducir por la ciudad en busca de mejores lugares para divertirse. Sin darse cuenta, llegó el amanecer, ese joven que hoy es mi esposo, debía llevar a todos a sus hogares, solo había un auto que lo hiciera y era el de él. Decidió tomar la autopista para dejar al último de sus amigos, de regreso, se encontraba solo camino a su casa, sin distracción ni amigos que estuvieran pendiente del camino, se sintió exhausto, cerro sus ojos y no supo más de él. Su auto se fue por un farallón, con el adentro. Estaba inconsciente, la gente que se acercaba le robó sus pertenencias aparte de tener la gentileza de llamar a la ambulancia. Transcurrieron minutos para que llegara y lo transportara de emergencia al hospital, no tenía signos vitales. Al llegar al hospital, lo habían declarado muerto, no respondía a nada. Su auto se había declarado como pérdida total, sus padres estaban devastados por la noticia y sus demás seres queridos al pendiente de él; su irresponsabilidad ya había ido demasiado lejos. Fueron pocos minutos los que transcurrieron cuando ya habían decidido trasladarlo a la morgue. No había esperanzas, no había nada que consolara el dolor a esa familia. Estando en la morgue, hizo ruidos como ronquidos; su estado de ebriedad era tan severo que perdió por un momento los signos vitales. Fue trasladado a una habitación, pasó por varias operaciones, estuvo meses sin caminar completamente en cama, de manera graciosa le decían ‘’el renacido’’ para aliviar la tensión de lo sucedido.
One of the many weekends that he dedicated to the same thing, he was driving his car just out of the agency with some friends; that day they decided that it was boring to stay in one place, they began to drive around the city in search of better places to have fun. Without realizing it, dawn came, that young man who today is my husband, had to take everyone to their homes, there was only one car that would do it and it was his. He decided to take the highway to leave the last of his friends, on the way back, he was alone on his way home, without any distractions or friends who were watching the road, he felt exhausted, closed his eyes and did not hear from him anymore. His car went over a cliff, with him inside. He was unconscious, the people who approached him stole his belongings and were kind enough to call the ambulance. It took minutes for the ambulance to arrive and transport him to the hospital, he had no vital signs. Upon arrival at the hospital, he had been pronounced dead, unresponsive. His car had been declared a total loss, his parents were devastated by the news and his other loved ones were watching over him; their irresponsibility had gone too far. It was only a few minutes before they had decided to move him to the morgue. There was no hope, there was nothing to comfort the family's pain. While in the morgue, he made snoring noises; his state of inebriation was so severe that he lost vital signs for a moment. He was transferred to a room, underwent several operations, was bedridden for months without walking, and was amusingly called ''the reborn'' to relieve the tension of what had happened.
Fueron meses duro de recuperación física, en cuanto a lo material ya no había nada que hacer, de hecho no le dio valor a eso en ningún momento. Constantes visitas a diferentes médicos especialistas, reposos, muchas medicinas habían tenido efecto en su salud. Cuando empezó a caminar por primera vez luego de las heridas que sufrió en la pierna y la contusión en la cabeza que no lo dejaba estar de pie, se veía a un hombre joven cambiado, arrepentido, avergonzado. Su cara siempre estuvo mirando al suelo. Aproximadamente fue 1 año y medio el tiempo que estuvo alejado de todo lo que lo había llevado a esa situación. Asistía a fiestas, le gustaba compartir de manera familiar con sus más allegados. Sin embargo, se mantuvo firme ante la decisión de dejar el alcohol por completo, algunos le ofrecían para probarlo, quedaban sorprendidos ante su negativa, creyeron que el encuentro cercano a la muerte había cambiado su decisión respecto a la bebida. Tenía que pasar algo de tal magnitud para que el tomara un poco de conciencia sobre la vida que llevaba, aquel joven terco aprendió de la peor manera.
They were hard months of physical recovery, materially there was nothing to do, in fact he did not value that at any time. Constant visits to different medical specialists, rests, many medicines had had an effect on his health. When he began to walk for the first time after the wounds he suffered in his leg and the contusion on his head that prevented him from standing, he looked like a changed young man, repentant, ashamed. His face was always looking at the ground. Approximately a year and a half was the time he was away from everything that had led him to that situation. He attended parties, he liked to share in a familiar way with those closest to him. However, he remained firm in his decision to give up alcohol completely, some people offered him to try it, they were surprised by his refusal, they believed that the near-death encounter had changed his decision regarding drinking. Something of such magnitude had to happen for him to become aware of the life he was leading, that stubborn young man learned the hard way.
Varios años después, nos conocimos. Éramos como 2 amigos que disfrutaban de la compañía del otro; nuestras citas incluían comer en la calle y tomar alcohol, al menos al principio. Era algo que yo también disfrutaba pero solo tomaba por compartir, por socializar. Me di cuenta que el no controlaba eso, él me confeso que no se podía contener, recuerdo aquellas palabras que me dijo: ‘’Para mí, no hay un punto medio entre estar bien y el estado de ebriedad total, paso en minutos de estar bien a estar completamente ebrio, no hay indicativos que me digan cuando parar para que no avance mi estado, simplemente paso a estar ebrio de una vez’’ esta confesión me pareció absurda y la misma vez inquietante, no había escuchado nada parecido en mi vida. Me convertí en su protectora a la hora de salir, esa que dice los comentarios: ‘’No bebas tanto’’ ‘’este y ya, luego nos vamos’’. Lo protegía de sus mismos impulsos, cosa que ayudó mucho a establecer una relación bonita. Con el paso de los años, no ha habido un episodio parecido. Hasta ahora.
Several years later, we met. We were like 2 friends who enjoyed each other's company; our dates included eating out and drinking alcohol, at least at first. It was something I enjoyed too but I only drank to share, to socialize. I realized that he did not control that, he confessed to me that he could not contain himself, I remember those words he told me: ''For me, there is no middle point between being well and the state of total drunkenness, I go in minutes from being well to being completely drunk, there are no indicators that tell me when to stop so that my state does not advance, I simply go to being drunk at once'' this confession seemed absurd and at the same time disturbing, I had never heard anything like that in my life. I became his protector when it was time to go out, the one who says the comments: ''Don't drink so much'' ''this one and that's it, then we leave''. I protected him from his own impulses, which helped a lot to establish a beautiful relationship. Over the years, there has not been a similar episode. Until now.
Desde que tuve el bebé, él ha estado conmigo en todo momento, eso implica alejarse de la vida nocturna y el alcohol. Él había pasado todo ese proceso conmigo; su tan anhelado bebé lo mantuvo ocupado todo el tiempo que esa vida ya ni la recordaba. Hubo reuniones en las que asistíamos pero debido a la situación pandemia preferíamos quedarnos en casa con nuestro pequeño resguardados de cualquier amenaza a nuestra salud. Luego de casi 2 años, él fue invitado a una fiesta, me dijo que asistiría, yo le dije que no tenía ningún problema, yo quería quedarme en casa con mi bebé. Ese día el salió de casa en la noche, yo me quedé en casa con nuestro hijo cuidándolo. No se lo hice saber, pero, estuve al pendiente en todo momento, era la primera vez en mucho tiempo que saldría solo de noche a una fiesta. Se me vino a la cabeza todo lo que había pasado, aleje esos pensamientos y confié en que todo estaría bien.
Since I had the baby, he has been with me at all times, that means staying away from the nightlife and alcohol. He had gone through the whole process with me; his long-awaited baby kept him so busy that he didn't even remember that life anymore. There were meetings we attended but due to the pandemic situation we preferred to stay at home with our little one sheltered from any threat to our health. After almost 2 years, he was invited to a party, he told me he would attend, I told him I had no problem, I wanted to stay home with my baby. That day he left the house in the evening, I stayed home with our son taking care of him. I didn't let him know, but, I kept an eye on him at all times, it was the first time in a long time that I would go out alone at night to a party. Everything that had happened came to my mind, I pushed those thoughts away and trusted that everything would be okay.
Lo siguiente que supe de él fue escucharlo llegar a las 6:00a.m. Aparentemente todo estaba bien, me alegré porque había salido a divertirse para salir un rato de la monotonía que suele abrumarnos a todos. En el momento del día que cruzamos palabras solo lo hicimos para comunicarnos cosas importantes, noté que estaba un poco distraído y bajaba la mirada, no preste mucha atención, asumí que era la falta de sueño. Tuve que salir, en la entrada me detuvo una vecina a la que nunca le he dirigido la palabra. Es cierto, las malas noticias son las primeras que se saben. Ella me contó cosas que yo desconocía: esta mañana había encontrado a mi esposa dormido en el piso de la entrada del edificio donde residimos, su billetera estaban por un lado, su teléfono y sus llaves estaban por otro, el carro estaba abierto; aquella escena era un desastre. Ella lo ayudo a recoger sus pertenencias y a subir, afortunadamente nada grave pasó, no hubo daño o hurto, todo se encontraba en orden a pesar de aquella escena.
The next thing I heard from him was to hear him arrive at 6:00 a.m. Apparently everything was fine, I was glad because he had gone out to have fun to get out of the monotony that usually overwhelms us all for a while. At the time of the day that we crossed words we only did it to communicate important things, I noticed that he was a little distracted and looked down, I did not pay much attention, I assumed it was the lack of sleep. I had to leave, at the entrance I was stopped by a neighbor to whom I have never spoken. It's true, the bad news is the first to be known. She told me things I did not know: this morning she had found my wife asleep on the floor of the entrance of the building where we live, his wallet was on one side, his phone and keys were on the other, the car was open; that scene was a mess. She helped him pick up his belongings and go upstairs, fortunately nothing serious happened, there was no damage or theft, everything was in order despite that scene.
Al llegar a casa, no sabía que decirle. Estuve tranquila hasta que toque el tema de manera muy calmada, no pudo sostener su mirada, estaba apenado y me reitero lo que me había dicho hace tiempos: ‘’No tengo punto medio’’ dijo. Me sentí decepcionada, no por el hecho, sino por haberlo ocultado. Le dije varias veces, ¿Te debe pasar algo grave nuevamente para que toques fondo? Quedo pensativo, en silencio. Tener memoria corta no borra los hechos, le recordé. Me pidió perdón por aquel hecho tan vergonzoso que tuve que escuchar de parte de alguien más, le dije que no yo tenía nada que perdonar. Lo llame a reflexionar sobre sus actos, que recordara todo el dolor que vivió aquellos años en el que casi pierde la vida, le recordé que ahora existe una razón para cambiar, luchar y dar buen ejemplo: su hijo. Que lo hiciera por él. Ha pasado tiempo y el hecho no se ha repetido, ha mantenido su palabra. Quizás haya habido algo en mis palabras que lo hizo reflexionar, lo cierto es que ha sido firme, él conoce muy bien su condición y su decisión de dejarlo radicalmente la ha respetado. Comprendió que quizás esta vez no le pasó nada, que solo corrió con suerte, que no hubo daño físico o material que lamentar, pero ¿Tendría la misma suerte la próxima vez? ¿Dejaría que hubiese una próxima vez?
When I got home, I didn't know what to say to him. I was quiet until I touched the subject in a very calm way, he could not hold his gaze, he was sorry and reiterated what he had told me some time ago: ''I have no middle ground'' he said. I felt disappointed, not for the fact, but for having hidden it. I told him several times, ''Does something serious have to happen to you again for you to hit rock bottom? He remained thoughtful, silent. Having a short memory does not erase the facts, I reminded him. He asked me for forgiveness for that shameful act I had to hear from someone else, I told him that I had nothing to forgive. I called him to reflect on his actions, to remember all the pain he lived through those years in which he almost lost his life, I reminded him that now there is a reason to change, to fight and to set a good example: his son. That she should do it for him. Time has passed and the event has not been repeated, she has kept her word. Perhaps there was something in my words that made him reflect, the truth is that he has been firm, he knows his condition very well and he has respected his decision to leave it radically. He understood that maybe this time nothing happened to him, that he was just lucky, that there was no physical or material damage to regret, but would he have the same luck next time? Would he let there be a next time?
La terquedad, el no aprender de nuestros errores, en seguir repitiendo patrones que solo nos llevan a la destrucción de nuestras vidas es parte del ser humano. Hay personas que piensan que nunca les pasará nada porque creen que tienen la situación contralada, lo cierto es que nunca tienes el control absoluto de todo, tu acciones tienen consecuencias, analiza y reinvéntate o ¿Esperaras a tocar fondo para que decidas cambiar?
Stubbornness, not learning from our mistakes, continuing to repeat patterns that only lead us to the destruction of our lives is part of being human. There are people who think that nothing will ever happen to them because they believe they have the situation under control, the truth is that you never have absolute control of everything, your actions have consequences, analyze and reinvent yourself or will you wait until you hit rock bottom before you decide to change?
Las imágenes son de mi autoria
The images are my own
Use el editor de imagenes de la app Pickmonkey
Use the image editor of the Pickmonkey app
Para la traduccion usé DeepL
For the translation I used the translator DeepL
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