So as you prolly know, or not, I've stopped smoking cigarettes.
It's been bizarrely easy to do this time and something has shifted. Something... as in before I had to stop smoking but this time I want to stop smoking.
I think when a person wants something different, something different is easier to achieve.
But any addictive substance or behaviour comes with a whole ton of unconscious associations (often clever marketing by unscrupulous and dastardly clever advertisers) that sneaky sneaks up on you unexpectedly.
Original image source
So here's something else you maybe didn't know about me (yet)...
I have a Padi Open Water One licence and I'm nuts about being under the sea.
Yet I'm shitscared of the ocean.
Talk about duality, huh?
In fact, I'd never even have known this about myself if I hadn't met a rather sexy French boy, with a rather mindblowingly enormous dick sorry boys, girls also lie, size does matter馃槵, while I was backpacking through Spain during my twenties, once-upon-a life-ago.
Pierre also left me with a not so mind-blowing case of herpes, by the way.
Ah... good old STD's.
More shit we humans love to judge and whisper about but hardly worth the attention since they're so common, really.
I've never passed it on to anyone. I, (of course and so should you) let potential partners know before hand. Always did. It's the right thing to do y'know. And since forever and an almost day now I always do blood tests all round before the fun and games in the bedroom begin. Lesson learned the rough and backpacking solo in Spain for the summer way.
And again so it should y'all. Really. It's 2023, we know better and it's not worth having to whisper about. Also...
if you're my son or my daughter please use a full-body condom.
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Not really. Sex is awesome! Have fun, stay safe and rather don't jump into bed with strangers on the first or even 11th date! Okay?! Good, healthy things take time!馃槈
Also... stuff like Chlamydia has no symptoms and loads of folks are running around with and passing it on - irresponsibly. Just take care of yourselves, please. 鉂わ笍
But seriously... STDs do abound and so do unwanted other kids so let's also shift some other perspectives while I'm about this please.
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Monogamy, loyalty, trustworthiness, responsibility and commitment are sexy as hell. But it's better to stay single and endure a night or two of lonliness until you find
True Loveyourself.
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But back then I was young, foolish and I also thought I was invincible and would live forever.
"You're dying" the voices whisper.
"We're all dying," I smile back. "It's just that some of us remember it in order to fully live."
But back then I was young and I also thought I was invincible and would live forever.
Which is why I ended up driving off a boat one morning, off the coast of Javea, after an all-night Ecstasy and other because well you know... Pierre and his enormous dick fest, with no scuba diving training.
And how I spontaneously learned that under-the-sea was my preferred natural habitat.
It's quiet down there. Time slows down.
And it feels like you're flying.
Enough said.
And so it came to be that I received a Padi Open One course from my first husband, for Christmans, after he heard the story. Minus the part about Pierre's enormous dick, of course
But honestly, I've always preferred freediving.
I mean... I'm into freedom and this is it - underwater. As close to naked as possible, please. That scuba equipment is heavy and a fucking hassle to lug around, you know. And cumbersome and unwieldy even underwater.
One of my biggest losses, while coming to terms with my lung situation, has been potentially losing this activity.
Still...
I'm of the school pun inteneded of thought that anything can be fixed. another story, post and conversation
And now I've taken one step towards doing that.
So, in line with keeping myself motivated, I've been cultivating my mental diet as well.
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Please don't Judge me on my Netflix history right now. 馃槦
I've been keeping what I feed my brain simple and light, to counter the lack of Dopamine hits after quitting the smokes, as one of the tools I use for recovery.
And also as inspiration to keep on keeping on in between, of course! Nothing like a bit of motivation to keep on keeping on, is there?
So I started watching this the other night...
Holy crap I'm in.
Hey?!
I mean... if anyone likes the ocean, is into adrenaline sports and wants to quit smoking...
then this is some motivation right here.
But what really struck me, while I was watching this, was a scene where she realises that she's stuck at a particular place in her training because she's trying too hard. And it's when she understands that she has to "relax", to progress, that she finally takes the gold!
It's just like that, innit?
You kinda know when you're on or in the right "way" because of how easy it all becomes. How things seem to flow so naturally.
So many incredible humans with so many marvelous skill and goals.
But I'll start small and simple and just take it a day at a time for now.
Wishing y'all an easy, peaceful Slow Flowin' Sunday,
Don't forget to Breathe... 鉂わ笍 馃惥
Memories, huh... 馃憖
Names always changed to protect the innocent and not so innconent. Everything I share is true, accurate and factual life experience. Apparently the truth really is stranger than fiction. :D
Eternal Seeker
Hardened Dreamer
Mother
Peaceful Warrior
Determined Dancer
and Stargazer
still...
Beyond fear is freedom
And there is nothing to be afraid of.
To Life, with Love... and always for Truth!
Nicky Dee
Featured image monatage created with photo by Pawel Kalisinski and snapshot of mine taken this morning. All other images that are not directly sourced are my own. All photo editing done with GIMP.