![My room, one of those nights — photo by me]
2 AM. Blue light on. AC humming at 27. Wide awake and drowning in thoughts — this was my life for months. This photo is from my own room, taken on one of those nights.
There was a version of me that nobody really saw.
During the day I was fine. Answering messages, showing up, doing what needed to be done. But at night — especially nights like the one in that photo — I would just lie there staring at the ceiling while the AC hummed and the blue light filled the room and my brain refused to stop.
I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. Tired of everything but couldn’t explain why. You know that feeling where you’re not sad about anything specific, you’re just… heavy? That was me. For a long time.
I Kept It to Myself
I didn’t tell anyone because honestly, what would I even say? “I feel bad but nothing is wrong”? It sounds ridiculous. So I just carried it quietly and told myself it would pass.
It didn’t pass. It just got heavier.
The 2 AM nights became normal. The blue light, the curtains, the same thoughts going in circles. I started dreading bedtime because I knew what was waiting — just me and my own head, and my own head was not a peaceful place to be.
The Thing That Actually Helped
I’m not going to pretend I found some magic solution. I didn’t download an app or read a book that fixed everything. What actually helped was much simpler and much harder at the same time:
I told one person.
Just one. Not everything — just enough. And that person didn’t try to fix me or give me advice. They just said “yeah, I’ve been there.”
That was it. That was the thing that cracked something open.
Where I Am Now
I still have hard nights sometimes. The AC still hums. But I took that photo because I wanted to remember where I was — not to be sad about it, but to remind myself how far I’ve come from that version of me who suffered alone in the blue light at 2 AM.
If you’re in that place right now — the quiet, private, 2 AM kind of struggle — I just want you to know it’s real even if you can’t explain it. And telling one person is enough to start.
This post was written with AI assistance. All experiences and the photo are my own.
Thanks for reading. Have you ever had nights like this? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
