Acting well is the most tiring. Because even though it is actually acting, it has become a daily compulsive habit. Many times, when someone asks, how are you? Then, even though we are broken inside, we say, I am fine. We say it because there is nothing else to do but tell. Will anyone understand if we tell our story of suffering? Will anyone be by our side? Rather, most of the time, people will laugh, joke, and some will use that weakness for their own benefit.
So now, acting well is the safest. Because we live in a society where there is no room for true feelings. Where no one wants to understand even when they see the black under your eyes. You don't sleep at night or no one reads the fatigue that accumulates behind your smile. Everyone just wants to see whether you are smiling or dressing up, whether you have written positive things in your status. Telling someone how the inner battle is going on makes you weak.
I speak my mind. I often smile in a way that others think I am very happy. But if they only knew that. How many sleepless nights do I spend? How many words get stuck in my throat. How many unspoken feelings are suppressed in my chest. The act of being good becomes a great fatigue inside me. Because every day I have to convince myself that you are okay. And I have to show people outside that I am okay. But in no way is it really okay.
While doing this act, a person eventually forgets what he was like, how he used to laugh, to whom he could tell everything without fear. Now it is just a masked person, a masked smile, a masked good-naturedness. Sometimes I have to stop talking to myself because a distance has been created with myself. This act of being good has to be continued not only outside, but also in my mind. And this is the most difficult, the most tiring thing for me.
Translated by Google Translate.