There was a time when I knew who I really was, what I liked and disliked, what I wanted, what I loved to do, what made me sad when I heard some things, and what made my day go well. Back then, I had an identity, a clear look in my own eyes, and a kind of courage to live my own life. But now, with the passage of time, with the pressure of the surroundings, the conditions of society, and walking through many unspoken fears, sometimes I feel like I am actually losing myself.
Losing yourself does not always mean becoming someone else, sometimes losing yourself means not being able to hear your inner voice anymore. For example, where before I could say no without hesitation, now I cry in my heart even when I say yes. Where before I wanted to do something on my own, now I do it only for the happiness of others. Where before my mind was filled with even small joys, now even big achievements feel like something is missing.
I sometimes feel very scared. Is it normal that I am constantly becoming a new person, that I am forgetting my old self, or am I slowly losing the person I knew? I am scared that one day there will come a morning when I will not be able to recognize myself when I look in the mirror.
Actually, this fear is not just about losing my existence, this fear is about losing my own love, my own dreams, my inner child. That I was once very fearless, now I take it for granted. That I was once proud of myself, now I always blame myself. This change is terrible, because in the midst of this change, I am getting lost without even realizing it.
But I know that it is not too late. If I stop for a while, give myself some time, listen to my own thoughts, then maybe I will find that old self again. It may not be easy, it may take time, but there is no alternative to the peace of living your own life.
This fear of losing yourself has become my daily companion. But I'm fighting, I'm trying to be able to laugh, love, and live like myself again. Because, no matter how much things change, I want the me inside me, the one I truly love, to never be lost.
Translated by Google Translate.