I often wonder if today’s version of forgiving someone for something has been replaced with pretending to forgive and keeping said individual at arms length. I only wonder about this because, at 40, I’ve just begun to grasp the concept of forgiveness.
There is a level of character building that’s required to get to a place where you can release emotional hostages though your mind tells you they’ve trespassed and deserve to be “punished”. Building character takes a lifetime, so if you think you’ve finished that journey — you definitely have a ways to go.
I think, character building begins with humility. Though, I know for me, the last thing I want to do with someone who continuously engages in hurtful behavior, is humble myself before them. Oh but it’s necessary. I know, I know, this sounds totally ridiculous and impossible. I felt the same way not that long ago. Even now, there is a moment before I take my deep breath where I have to stop myself from reacting.
When someone, regardless of the effect they have on you, harms you, betrays you, disrespects you and is disloyal and or dishonest, we tend to want to either punish them immediately with our words, our absense or perhaps even getting physical. None of which, by the way, is in anyway a resolution. Things usually escalate, requiring us to have even more to forgive one another for.
But what if we took a breath? What if in that breath we actually think about how much we do to cross others ourselves. What if, we think hard enough and realize, we never meant to, anymore than the person crossing us meant to. Intentions are a pretty big deal and we simply can’t ignore them.
For example if it is a person’s intention to beguile you into thinking they are someone they aren’t, it’s reasonable to remove them from your inner circle. Yes, even they deserve your forgiveness, their intentions are to get what they can from you—- your reaction shouldn’t be hate, or retribution, or to punish them, simply give them nothing.
I think it’s important that we live in the moment and make each moment count. These moments should count towards the goals you have set before you to platform your journey. What people do that in no way hinder your journey should be seen as the trivial distractions that they are. They will not keep you from being great— not if you don’t allow them to.
I hope that some of this helps...
