This morning I woke up feeling... heavy. Not for any big reason. Nothing dramatic happened. It's just one of those mornings where everything inside feels a little cluttered - thoughts piled on top of each other, emotions mixing like a low hum.
So it got me thinking - there are so many versions of me that exist inside and each one seems to have its own space. Like I'm made up of tiny rooms, and everyday I move through them without realising it. Not physical rooms, but spaces in my mind and heart where different feelings, memories, and parts of who I live.
Some rooms are warm and familiar. The ones where I feel calm, happy, steady, and maybe even proud of myself. I like being there. Other rooms are harder. There's one where I keep things I haven't fully processed- old disappointments, words I wish I hadn't said. That room? I try not to go there too often.
But I know those rooms are part of me too. All these rooms exist together, and I can't only live in comfortable ones and pretend the rest don't exist. Life doesn't really work like that, does it?
Some days, I wake up and I'm already standing in a room that makes me uneasy. And I'll carry that with me through the day - a weight I can't quite name. Other days, I find myself in a lighter space. I smile more easily, I'm kinder to myself. I remember that not everything needs fixing right away.
The hard part is not judging where I am. Not telling myself "I should feel better" or "I shouldn't be thinking about that again". The truth is, I'm human. I move through all kinds of feeling, all kinds of rooms and that's okay. Being human means feeling all of it, moving through all of it.
Today, I don't really which room I'm in. It's not a dark one, but it's not exactly bright either. It feels like a hallway. Like I'm in between. Not quite here or there.
I'm trying to just notice where I am. Not force myself to feel something else. Not rush into a different headspace. Just.... notice. Breathe. Maybe clean up a little if I can. Maybe light a metaphoric candle in the room I'm in, even if it's messy.
So that's me today - sitting one of those quiet, in-between rooms. And trying to be gentle while I'm here.
Images are mine